World Wide Wah

A good round number

2010-04-26T17:56:00.004+10:00

As of Thursday 29th April, 2010, I will be officially 13000 days old.

These first 13000 days shall, from here on, be called "The Time of Miracles".

So mote it be...

Please place all presents, idols and obsequious gestures outside my front door.

Thanks to Wolfram Alpha for pointing this out

Xena v Buffy

2009-11-23T15:15:00.003+10:00

Xena Vs Buffy

Who will win the sing off?

Go to www.girlclumsy.com and Disco Stu (He doesn't need to advertise) to find out!

A Bedtime Nightmare Endeth

2009-10-19T17:34:00.003+10:00

I suppose it was inevitable that this day would come.

After many years of faithful service its time is at an end.

The metal monstrosity of a queen sized bed I have slept on for 12 years is about to be put out to pasture.

Weighing a hefty amount- it takes three men to move it - the black iron bed with the steel slats has been shifted from hither to yon for far too long.

It has been my main place of slumber here Spring Hill, Milton and the infamous share house, Lilley St for over a decade, but its story is older than that!

The bed originally belonged to my older sister in the late eighties. Back then it was the height of style and sported light weight wooden slats. She had it installed in her bedroom in Emerald, Western Queensland. Being an adventurous girl she quickly broke the wooden slats that held up the mattress and the fate of the bed seemed sealed. But her paramour at the time came up with a most ingenious plan. He welded steel bars to a steel frame and attached the entire massively heavy structure to the bed frame. All seemed to go well, and sister mine could be as adventurous as she liked. When she left Emerald the monstrously heavy bed was lugged back to Brisbane where it did the rounds of share houses until Sis left for Mother England.

The iron bed sat and waited in the darkness below the Parentals house for a few years, forgotten, biding its time.

In the mid nineties, I moved into Lilley Street. My old wooden single bed just didn't convey the worldliness I was trying to present to the lovely young things I attracted to my fetid basement . Somehow, I remembered Debbie's demonic metal bed, it called to me, and I knew I must have it.

And so it has followed me for 12 years. Different mattresses, a new lick of occasional paint, but the same steel frame; Herniating discs, crushing fingers and sapping the will to live of all that carry it.

But now, its end is near. GirlClumsy has ordered a new, lighter King sized bed! It will be delivered soon. The metal monster crouching in the bedroom will soon be taken away.

But the bed will have a few more victims. The delivery company offer a service; when they deliver the new bed they will remove your old bed for only $20. GirlClumsy and I almost couldn't keep a straight face when we agreed to the paltry sum. I feel sorry for the workmen who will have to remove the Steel Slumberer; $20 will not be enough their medical bills...

So, Hail, Mighty Bed! Oh, Steel Sprung Pallet! You have borne my weight for more than a decade and I, in turn have borne yours. You will be carried down the stairs in a hero's procession and you will sup on the pain of the youthful deliverymen.

Vengence shall be yours.

Three Nights in Bangkok...

2009-07-31T21:25:00.003+10:00

... and the ping pong ball is your oyster, apparently.

After spending a night in Battambang. (Translates as Disappearing Stick.. Magic stick helps raise a humble cow herder to kingship, then the stick vanishes when he needs it most and the king gets it in the neck. Moral of the story "Don't trust Magic Sticks") we made our way to to the border of Cambodia and Thailand. Oh, how I love ridiculous bureaucracy and paperwork. I love even more GirlClumsy's and my steadfast refusal to jump the queue even though the tour guide, a local Cambodian named Pheap (Pee-ip), urged us to move ahead past others. I think queueing is genetically encoded into the anglo-saxon genome.

Finally we arrived in Bangkok. Venice of the East. Grimey city of 11 million. Many many tuk-tuks (taxi motorcycles that try to take you to shops you dont want to go to) and many many people desperate to get me to the dreaded ping pong show.

Now, I am as red blooded as the next man but I really have no interest in this sort of melarkey. One of the eager men that wanted me to follow him to pleasures both genital and sport related was so confused that I didnt want to go. He kept following me asking again again "You want Ping Pong Show?" The more I rebuffed him the the more confused and eager he became. Thinking I might believe it to be a boring ping pong match and not a young lady showing her mastery of genital hydraulics he started miming the actions from the show and gleefully yelling "Ping-Pong.. banana.. COKE BOTTLE!" ... Oh, the hilarity. I was approached so many times in the first evening I am worried I must look like "One of those Ping Pong Guys (tm)" brrrr.

Had a good look at the Grand Palace in the centre of the city (Very Cambodian in style.. I'm just saying that to piss the Thai off. Thailand was originally a Cambodian province that broke away about 800 years ago. For the rest of my life intend to point at things that look thai-ish and say "Cambodian?".. and then duck) and the Reclining Buddha statue (46m long, 15 high, gold plated from head to foot) at the WatPho temple. Biiiig Buddha.. smiling in that calm way that seemed to say to me "Hey Atheist, I could crush you like a bug. I won't... but I could".

GC and I are off to the Tiger Temple tomorrow and then off to the River Kwai for some more dark tourism.

The fun never stops!

You Siem Reap what you sow

2009-07-27T18:46:00.004+10:00

I was 311 kilometres outside of Phnom Penh, sitting in the Foreign Correspondents Club in Siem Reap, dressed in my ridiculous Vietnam war era cloth hat, nursing yet another Angkor Beer when I started wondering "How did I get here?". Why was I here? What was the reason? Why was I becoming a bizarre Hunter S Thompson parody?

I could feel The Fear start to wash over me in waves but i wrestled the demon back into its box by slamming down a pint of the 75 cent local beer. Soon I could feel the warm fingers of dutch courage reinforce my testicular fortitude.

Then it all came clear...

The last time we chatted, dear reader, was back in Central Vietnam. I could regale you with tales, tall and true, about the journey south but I will leave that to the highly accomplished Girl Clumsy.

My story begins aboard a public bus heading out of Vietnam into Cambodia. Blasting in my ears from my portable music magic box is the Dead Kennedy's "Holiday in Cambodia". It is important, gentle reader, to have the right music for each country you travel. Vietnam has a massive range all going back to the American War. I chose "Fortunate Son" by Creedence Clearwater Revival, and "One Night in Bangkok" from the musical "Chess" will play me into Thailand.

The music sets the mood... and the wailing guitars of the Dead Kennedys pumped up for this unknown destination.

The first thing i noticed was comparative poverty of Cambodia compared to Vietnam. Now, don't get me wrong, the average Vietnamese is not wearing Gucci and buying this season's Prada bag... well they are but they are all cheap Chinese knock-offs - but i digress. After Pol Pot's little 4 year soiree through this land they lost nearly 50% of their population either from having their faces ripped off for being educated, related to the educated or standing upright at the wrong time or from dying from starvation after the glorious Year Zero. Let me tell you, Year Zero it was... everything was razed to the ground... schools, universities, hospitals - you name it. It has taken these people all this time to get off the ground.

But they have their sights aimed high and a spirit to match. It will be interesting to see how much this place grows in the next ten years, as long as their cold war tussle with Thailand over "who-owns-what-province" doesn't go hot.

The capital Phnom Penh is a bustling city, all mad asian energy and anarchy. They want to build a 75% scale replica of the Sydney opera house on the banks of the main river... mad! GC and I drank at the Foreign Correspondents Club in Phnom Penh (It is the places to be seen, donchaknow) and wandered the Russian Markets. I discovered GC was the world's worst haggler.

Cunning Cambodian Stall Woman - You give me 3 dolla, I give you shirt
GirlClumsy - NEVER! You give me shirt, I give you.... 2 dollars, fifty cents!
Cunning Cambodian Stall Woman - *Stunned* Um... OKAY!
The Wah - *Face Palm* DOH!

Not as amusing as watching GC single handedly stimulate the Cambodian economy was our visit to Pol Pot's S-21 secret prison. The fact he turned a high school into a place where thousands were incarcerated, mutilated and murdered makes my blood boil. I never realised we had an Auchwitz so close to our shores. From there the fun continued with a visit to the Killing Fields.
Holy Crap in a bucket. 17000 killed.. not with guns but with crowbars, axes and other blunt instruments of delight... and don't even ask me about the babies... If Pol Pot wasn't dead I'd kick him so hard in the groin his ancestors would wince.

Fun Fact - Pol Pot was a very charismatic man. Supposedly, all that knew him personally thought he was erudite, charming and friendly. You'd be grinning all the way up to the point he had his hired goons remove your face with a sharpened shovel. How do these bastards get loved so much... is it sort of mass murderer's cologne?

Anyhooo.. enough of the ugly past. GC and I blasted out of Phnom Penh and wound our way to Siem Reap (Another Fun Fact - Siem Reap translates roughly into "The Death of the Thai".. its good to see that even in Asia people fight, squabble and steal land from their neighbours.. huzzah for humanity). Siem Reap is a touristy (as far as that term applies to a place with only 11 years of stability since the Vietnamese pissed off) town that supplies eats and sleeps for the nearby Angkor Wat (and the more impressive complex Angkor Thom) temples.

You all know Angkor Wat... Buddhist/Hindu temples, one thousand years old, in the middle of the forest... Angelina Jolie played Lara Croft - Tomb Raider and shot up many of these temples in the name of Mom, Apple-Pie and the Almighty Dollar (actually I think Lara is English but I just don't care). GC and I were at Angkor Wat before dawn to see the sunrise be reflected in the pools in front of the main temple complex. Unfortunately my Sun God powers failed me again (missed the total solar eclipse by TWO days). I am starting to think my Sun God powers are euro-centric. Buddha and Shiva might be tagging teaming against me to deliver a Buddhist/Hindu Smackdown to my secular testicles. It didn't rain but the cloud cover was thick. No sunrise for us! We spent the next 7 hours wandering through literally kilometres of temples and ruins. Angkor Thom is a staggering 9km square!

Had the absolute time of my life.. and that was before the Elephants! We bought a hand of bananas and fed the Elephants as quickly as they wanted to be fed.. we had no choice :) I was in awe of these beautiful creatures. I kept giggling like a school boy. I think GC might have video evidence. I was enthralled by the way it would suddenly contract its pupil and really LOOK at me... mainly when I stopped feeding it bananas. When I ran out of food for it I showed the mighty beast my hands were empty. The elephant looked at me for a long moment and then took one large step forward. Its huge trunk came out and I was effectively frisked. Obviously these elephants are no one's fool!

Oh, don't get me started about the monkeys. They jumped our bus and refused to get off. Fun!

This is turning into a massive tome, and so, gentles all, I will leave you with this thought from the deck of the Foreign Correspondents Club here in Siem Reap. The local beer in Cambodia is cold, cheap and the best beer I have ever tasted.

I dip my ridiculous hat to Cambodia for that alone...

From Hue to Hoi An

2009-07-20T20:37:00.004+10:00

With the brutal jellyfishing behind us, GirlClumsy and I moved onto Hue (Hway... actually, if you want to pronounce it properly you have to say Hway as if it was a question "Hway?". The upwards inflection at the end is the correct way to say it in vietnamese. Scary tonal languages!)

Hue is the old capital of the Champa kingdom and also of Vietnam in the past. It is biggish city with all the fun and frivolty a big city can provide, but more importantly it still has the walled imperial city at its heart. Our wonderful hostel/resort was in the middle of the imperial city. Oh, how the vietnamese ancestors must be rolling in their burial pots knowing that decadent capitalist westerners trample their ancient soil. Even more exciting we can get into the walled "Forbidden City" of the walled Imperial City. This was where the King and his 500 concubines used to hang out.. it is good to be the king, it seems. Most of the Forbidden City was bombed back to rubble during the "American War" (yep, not the Vietnam War.. but that makes sense here at ground zero) but now is being restored and rebuilt.

When Vietnam went over to communism with Colonel Sanders.. um, i mean Ho Chi Minh (He DOES look like the Colonel.. deny it!) the King stood down peacefully (at first). This means that many of his family still live in Hue. They are considered "small potatoes" in the glorious revolution but they are affluent potatoes.. with heads still attached to shoulders. Hue was the first city to south of the 17th parallel to fall to the north vietnamese after the americans decided to cut their losses and skedaddle.

We went on a fabulous motorcycle ride through the Hue countryside www.girlclumsy.com has all the gory details on that little piece of madness.

We then took a slow bus to Hoi An (Hoy Ann). Hoi An has a beautiful old town section with delightful little buildings and many markets pushed into the streets. You can buy everything from dead fish to dead flowers ;) I pointed out to Natalie that all the shops here are very similar. It is all "Dead Chickens and T-Shirts". I think that might sum up Vietnam's shopping entirely.

Fun Fact! Cat (Small Tiger) tastes like rabbit and Dog tastes like goat.. so now you know. Yes, they do eat anything made from meat, excluding people. You better be careful if you order a "small tiger beer". You may just end up with a plate of mysterious meat and a local brew instead of the small can of chinese beer you were after... sinister. The best beer by far here in Vietnam, so far, is Hudas. Oh, the hilarity in hearing the joke "Those are the biggest Hudas I have ever seen". My sides nearly split. (GirlClumsy has a pic with her Hudas showing.. and if you ask her nicely she might just post it!).

Not everything in Hoi An is dead chickens and tshirts. The ancient town is well known for cheap and fast, good quality tailors. The 2km square area has 400 tailors or different costs and quality.
GirlClumsy nearly blew a gasket when she realised she could have anything made from photos or internet pictures, and it would be tailored to fit her measurements. She has been a one woman shopping dynamo terrifying the population with her enthusiasm for shopping and her cheery "You give me another shirt/pants/suit for free because I am a nice person" (it even worked).

I had no interest in this coutre madness but GirlClumsy will not be denied. I was flung into Yali (the number one tailor in Hoi Am, supposedly) with but one mission "Get thee a suit, Mr Wah"

I had to brave the feminine terrors of the tailors. Lovely vietnamese woman ask "What cut do you want? What colour? What fabric?" HOW THE HELL DO I KNOW?! I am a colour blind man built like a belligerent potato and you think i know about fabrics?!

After much cursing, swearing, sobbing and pleading (all from me) I managed to have made a rather natty black suit with purple lining.

Oh yes, I am The Fashion Wah.

GC left me today to my own devices after we came back from seeing the Hindu ruins of My Son (Me Sun). They were very interesting and well worth a visit if you are ever in this part of the world. It is amazing how 70 temples to Shiva and Vishnu can be lost for hundreds of years in the Vietnamese jungles... well, actually it is amazing they dont lose more towns in these jungles. Very Jungly.

GC has been off having more jackets made up and threatened me with the phrase "I am going for a full body treatment at a day spa"... sounds positively filthy!

Anyhoo.. having a marvellous time here in Vietnam. This country has everything. History, food and enough different wars to keep you interested for decades.

Finally, Happy Birthday to my Mater!

and well done to the Americans for putting men on the moon 40 years ago...

Wah.. Out!

Good Morning.... Hanoi

2009-07-16T22:00:00.003+10:00

Well, GirlClumsy and I have arrived safely in Vietnam.

Hanoi is a mad mad city. 6 million or so and they all drive scooters.. anyway they want to. When you want to cross the street you just have to step out and face the madness. In the end the imminent vehicular death becomes rather blaise!

No Fear!

GC and I went to Ha Long Bay. Full of limestone islands jutting straight out of the ocean, and huge caves within those islands... and jellyfish.

Both GirlClumsy and I were stung by jellyfish when we were swimming. It hurt, a lot. Even better, the boat didn't have any vinegar... mmm burning pain.

But we aren't dead... so nyah to you Vietnam!

The Wah adds jellyfish to things that can not kill him! BOOYAH! Take that gelantinous terror!

Remission

2009-07-13T14:52:00.015+10:00

The second series of "Prognosis: Death! - RELAPSE" has finished.

It was an amazing experience to have a role in this totally improvised medical, comedy, drama, science-fiction mash-up.

We had excellent houses every night. On the final night we broke 100! ... and splashed quite a few with our stage blood as well... Where else can you see real, fake medical procedures on stage?

Dr Burton Mangold operates on himself

What is especially gratifying, and a little bit spooky, is the level of fandom that has built up around the production. We sold 20 season passes (see all the six shows for only $45 or $30 if you were concession) and 40 merchandising badges. We had quite a few patrons watching the show dressed in medical costumes!

"Prognosis : Death!" is a fan favourite and I can reveal that the series 3 "Prognosis: Death! - PANDEMIC" will make an appearance at the Arts Theatre next year.

Prognosis: Death! - RELAPSE
Season 2

Episode 4 - "St Love: Action Comics No.1"

The St Love Family Nuclear Facility suffers a catastrophic meltdown. However, due to the expertise and quick thinking of Dr Burton Mangold not one person dies. And all this before the starting credits! Unfortunately the local wildlife is irradiated, including the St Love Sloth. Dr Ludwig LeStrange is bitten by the isotopic sloths and begins an amazing transformation into Sloth-Man! With his steady brachiating powers and his powerful grip he begins to fight crime in St Love. Little did he know that greta power leads to great silliness. A worker at the nuclear facility was also irradiated. When he is merged with Hammy the Hamster he becomes "Hamster-Man" and vows revenge on St Love. Can Sloth-Man overcome the vaguely piss-poor plots of Hamster-Man? Will it take all day? How will the staff of St Love Hospital survive the slightly ineffectual assaults of Hamster-Man and his sidekick Guinea-Piggy?!

Episode 5 - "St Love and the Odyssessy"

When a ancient vase, covered in ancient greek homosexual erotic art, is delivered to Chief Medical SuperIntendent Harold Dean, little does he realise what horrors it contains. Nurse Lottie Buble, ignored by her paramour Dr Burton Mangold, is possessed (possession happens a lot at St Love Hospital) by the man-eating (literally) Siren that lives in the greek vase. Her murderous rampage throughout the hospital leaves a trail of blood, organs and lilting singing in her wake. Can the surviving members of the staff track down the Siren and rescue Buble's soul? Can love conquer all? Can we ever get the blood out of the back curtain at the theatre?

Dare you enter the labyrinth of the Gay Minotaur?

The Siren stalks the Earth again!

Episode 6 - "St Love the and the Cursed Gold of Quetzacoatl"

We discover that St Love was founded when Spanish Conquistadors slaughtered a tribe of Aztecs during an ancient aztec mytical rite. The Spanish steal the Aztec's idol but not before they are cursed by the dying priest. What aztecs are doing in this part of the world... we have no idea.

Years later...

Dr Rik Cocksteady has returned to St Love and has become the Mayor. He knows about the aztec gold and wants it for his own. Putting his devilish plan in operation he shuts down the hospital and takes the aztec idol for his own. Little does he realise that the idol is cursed! Soon he falls to its power and his madness grows. Cocksteady goes on a murderous rampage throughout the hospital (these happen a lot at St Love hospital as well) and it is up to staff of St Love to stop him. Will the hospital re-open? Will the Curse of of Quetzacoatl be broken? Will Cocksteady get the gold he really wants... Mangold? ... and who is that mystery man hiding in the shadows and why does he look so much like Dr Burton Mangold?

Hell hath no fury like a Nurse, and a Doctor everyone always calls a Nurse, scorned

The Wedding of Dr Burton Mangold and Nurse Buble
WHAT CAN GO WRONG!?!?!?

Another season behind us and so many twists and turns in front of us. What does the future hold in store for the staff at St Love Hospital?

Cleanup needed in operating room three

You Lucky, Lucky Bastard

2009-07-08T15:27:00.014+10:00

Larry Niven, in his "Ringworld" novels, suggested the idea that human beings are the dominant form of life on the planet not because they were genetically predisposed to being smart but because they were genetically predisposed to being lucky. He even toyed with the idea of aliens breeding certain human bloodlines to create the ultimate lucky human.

Recently I benefited from good old human luck.

Before I go on I'll make the point that if you are reading this you are, like me, incredibly lucky in the first place. You were born into a time with amazing technology and freedom and you were born on a part of the planet that probably places you at the top 10% of the wealthiest people on the entire Earth.

Okay, segue over, now onto the Luck ontop of the generic luck.

I am currently studying a Bachelor of Education and, for my sins, I will soon be a teacher of children. I'll let that sink for a moment... Chilling, isn't it?

Last semester I was forced to do a subject called 'Advanced Calculus B'. I have no love for higher mathematics; I see its use, and I like using it as a tool of Physics but I get no joy from the mathematics itself. It is merely a tool I employ to complete a job. I may enjoy building a house but I get no joy from learning how a hammer or saw operates.

Last year I did 'Advanced Calculus A' and, through hard work and perseverence, managed to squeak in with a High Distinction. It was difficult and required a lot of effort but I seem to 'get' Differentiation of a function. It made some sort of sense to me.

But 'Advanced Calculus B' saw the onset of Integration, and that was a whole new, nasty smelling, kettle of fish. For those of you with knowledge of the subject you may find my difficulty at Integration perplexing. Integration is Differentiation in reverse. If you have a function and you Differentiate it and then you Integrate the new function generated you end up with the original function. It all sounds so simple when you put it like that. But for some reason I couldn't make the damn thing work. As the weeks went on Integration became more arcane and unfathomable. I kept hoping the light of comprehension would shine through the clouds of confusion... but it never did.

I was beside myself with worry. The final exam was in less than a week and I had to study for it and my Global Systems subject at the same time. I had ballsed up the mid-semester test something awful and the two assignments I had handed in were more amusing than enlightening (I have a habit of writing fun comics and gags on my assignments and exams when I am either confident or terrified of the work. It would be interesting to see if people could see which was which). As the final days of study approached I was bogged in the mire of Integration with no help in sight. As the cool kids say 'OMG!'.

I kept hoping to be struck down with Swine Flu or a bad case of Terrorism but to no avail. I was hale and hearty, at least physically; the stress was making as mad as a cut snake on LSD.

On the very final day of available study I went through the past exams of the subject. They had been posted by the lecturer a few weeks earlier. To my horror I flunked every..single.. one of them. Utterly ballsed them up. Completely fubared the lot. I was, as they say, up excrement stream without a method of propulsion.

The trip to the university and the exam room was a long and dark one. I took my seat with a class of, mainly, fresh faced and beautiful young nerds. My heart was heavy as I waited for the aging invigilator to ring the bell so we could respond pavlovian style and begin the exam.

And that, gentle reader, is when I realised how lucky I was. Much of the exam I had seen before! Less than 12 hours earlier I had been attempting a past exam and this new exam before me was 50% copied from that exam: almost number for number. Of course, there were a few cosmetic changes, an x squared to an x cubed, or a minus sign added here and there, but at its core it was essentially the same exam... and though I flubbed it the first time round it occurred to me that I could still remember the answers as given by the lecturer... Out poured the memorised answers, with a few necessary cosmetic changes. Slightly more than 50% of the exam pulled almost directly from memory. The rest of the work I manfully attempted. Writing and re-writing, scribbling ideas and concepts hither and yon.

At the end of our allotted time, the craggy faced old woman (who they seem to clone to watch over university exams), rang her little bell again to signal the end. I looked around at the beautiful geeks surrounding me. I could see an equal mix of terror and elation on their smooth, unblemished faces (but maybe that is a common mixture of emotions on the faces of those not quite through the Terror of Puberty). Making my way out of the university grounds I was numb. I couldn't believe how fortunate I had just been.

The full power of my fortune became apparent at the start of this week when I received my over all grade for the subject: a Distinction. Albeit, I had sidled into a Distinction by 1% but a 6 is a 6 and I will hear not a jot against it, Sir!

So, the 64 thousand dollar question is... can I Integrate?

Not really...

If I saw an Integration on the horizon I could probably distinguish it by its sunlit silhouette but don't ask me if it is the Southern Hairy Nosed Integration or its more Northerly cousin.

Could I teach it to high school kidlings?

Probably not... but I never intend to teach mathematics to school kids, especially not university level mathematics. It is not one of my majors, thank the gods.

Did I cheat to achieve the mark I achieved?

Is it cheating when the lecturer is lazy enough to cut and paste 50% of an exam from three years ago and shove it this year's exam? I say, No.

Did you actually learn anything in the 13 weeks doing the subject 'Advanced Calculus B'?

I learnt that fortune favours the prepared mind. I learnt that I am a lucky, lucky bastard, albeit that didn't take 13 weeks to grasp but only the last three hours of the course, in exam conditions.

Prognosis : Death! - RELAPSE!

2009-07-06T14:20:00.020+10:00

It seems you can't keep a good hospital down. ImproMafia's Medical, Comedy, Soap Opera "Prognosis: Death" is back at the Brisbane Arts Theatre for it's second season (codenamed - RELAPSE!).

You can read the synopses of all Season One in earlier posts in this blog

The medical staff of St Love Hospital have to deal with many strange events.

Monsters, Tragedy and ... Love!
(and don't forget the buckets of blood sprayed onto the cast each night)

Prognosis : Death! - RELAPSE!
Season Two

Episode One - "St Love and the Visitors"

Dr Burton Mangold stands up Nurse Lottie Buble at their wedding and vanishes to places unknown.

... months pass at St Love...

One night a strange light from the sky attracts Reverend Jeremy Thistlewaite to the St Love National Forest. He is possessed by an alien life form that wishes to turn all of St Love into a race of mind controlled slaves in fabulous headdresses. When all seems lost it is revealed that the man everyone thought was the St Love Lighthouse Keeper was none other than Dr Burton Mangold in a cunning disguise! Torn apart by their conflicting desires, Mangold, Buble and the rest of the St Love staff have to somehow come together to fight back the FABULOUS alien menace.

Nurse Buble learns the meaning of the expression "Splashback"

Episode Two - "St Love and the Phantom"
aka "The Phantom of the Operating Theatre"

Dr Melody Carmichael (Intern) had a difficult start to her career. At St Love Medical School her mentor was tragically crushed by a badly stacked pile of George Foreman Grills. Many years later at St Love Hospital rats erupt from the basement levels of the hospital and a strange disembodied voice is heard calling to Dr Melody Carmichael (Intern). Could this be her mutilated mentor back from the dead looking for revenge? Who will the Phantom kill to gain his revenge? Can the Staff of St Love stop his mad schemes.. and is the mirror-ball in the St Love Dance Hall about to come smashing to the ground?

The Phantom of the Operating Theatre

Episode Three - "St Love and the Voodoo Curse"

Reverend Jeremy Thistewaite is struck down by a strange Voodoo curse and falls into a coma. He is replaced by the sensual latino Reverend Casanova Lovechild, The sexiest priest from St Love's Latin Quarter. Dr Melody Carmichael and Dr Ludwig LeStrange, one by one, fall to the voodoo curse becoming lust filled marionettes. Can all this evil voodoo be blamed on Reverend Casanova Lovechild? Why has Chief Medical Superintendent Harold Dean been seen with a creepy nun puppet that talks in a voice not his own? Can even Dr Burton Mangold, the best damn doctor in all of St Love, stop this VooDoo threat?

Feel the sultry, sweaty, smoky and sexy power of Reverend Casanova Lovechild, the sexiest priest from St Love's Latin Quarter

The first three episodes of "Prognosis: Death - RELAPSE" have been a hoot and a half. If you missed any of these shows, don't be disheartened! There are three more shows you can see.

Every night is improvised, so every storyline is fresh and new based on suggestions from you the audience.

This season we are offering personalised hospital ID badges for sale at the show. Created by Dan Beeston (www.invisiblespiders.com) these badges will make you one of the staff of St Love Hospital.

Personalised St Love Hospital ID Badge

For more information go to www.impromafia.com or www.artstheatre.com

Welcome to St Love Hospital "You'll lose your mind, your heart.. and possibly your kidneys"

The Staff of St Love Hospital

All the photos were taken by St Love Hospital's resident musician, Kris Anderson or his wife, Wanda. Check out Kris' amazing impro-musical blog at www.musicalhotspot.com

How to stop Swine Flu Infection

2009-05-02T14:56:00.003+10:00

I thought I should give a public announcement on how best to stop the spread of Swine Flu. Hopefully this will quell some of the crazy panic I have seen on this issue

1. Wash your hands every time you go to the toilet (this is common-sense 101, people!

2. Use a tissue every time you cough or sneeze. Dispose of tissue hygienically.

3. Avoid touching your nose or mouth... your sweet sensuous mouth (no.. stop it! leave it alone!)

4. If you see an infected person cut off their head or destroy the brain. I repeat, remove the head or destroy the brain

Wait... is that Swine Flu or Zombies... hmmm

Either way, I have my Medical Issue Shotgun and Anti-Swine Flu Axe, a truck full of tinned food and an impregnable bolt hole to weather the crisis.

Those of you that I deem useful will be contacted soon. The rest of you are on your own!

Be Alert, Not Alarmed.. and swing for the neck!

The True Story of Easter

2009-04-13T14:44:00.002+10:00

I know it isn't politically correct to say so but it was a certain race that crucified Christ. This race has been around for a long time, they think of themselves as the most important people in the universe and they have big ... eyestalks (!?)

Yes, It was the Daleks who kicked off the whole Christian thingame.

Death March 2009

2009-02-15T21:24:00.011+10:00

What did you get up to on Valentine's day? I thought of the best present I could give to Girlclumsy. I packed my bag while she still slumbered and headed out into the world to see how far away I could walk from her in eight hours.

So began what became to be known as Death-March 2009.

To be honest it had nothing to do with GC really. I had been waiting for the right weather (cloudy, raining and cool) to attempt the eight hour walk.

Why would I want to walk for eight hours? Well, I know many people who seem to be doing interesting things such as blogs, webcomics, giving birth and raising maggots. The internet gives a thin veneer of legitimacy for any cockamamie idea you might have.

The idea had been percolating through my skull for a few weeks. I like to walk. I walk quickly and with purpose. People who know me know that I hate aimless rambling. I don't really care in what direction I go in as long as it purposeful walking. I have always been fascinated with the stories about women having to walk 20 km a day to collect water for their families or armies having to march vast distances before squaring up with a less tired force. Most of us in Australia today live rather sedentary lives. I was intrigued whether I could walk for eight hours.

Why eight hours? It was a rather arbitrary choice, to be honest. I have slept for eight hours, I have worked for eight hours (no matter what my last employer tells you), I have played games (both computer and board) for eight hours.. so why not walk eight hours?

I wasn't after a distance. I merely wanted to walk for eight hours. I decided that if I ever stopped for any reason I would have to make that time up at the end. My route was semi planned. My parents live in Strathpine, so I would set out in that direction down South Pine Road (I live in the centre of the city), if I made it that far then I would continue towards Redcliffe and a house I used to live in over a decade ago. The final destination didn't matter it merely gave me something to aim for. I am not hugely fit but I do a fair bit of walking so I was confidant I wouldn't die.

I did some research and confirmed that the average human walking speed is 5 km an hour. Distance to Strathpine from my house is 26 km... I thought I would at least make it that far. My ex-house in Redcliffe is 47 km away from where I live... I doubted I would get that far in eight hours.

I had been watching the weather over the last few days and it seemed that Valentine's Day was going to be ideal for this little jaunt. When I woke up that morning it was over-cast and cool and I knew the time for the March was nigh.

I had a backpack ready to go. It had a 2L bottle of water and 2x 600ml of water (frozen), 4x 375ml pepsi max cans (for caffeine support), a bag of mixed lollies, a bag of pistachio nuts (I am crazy for pistachio nuts). In the backpack was also a SFX magazine, iPod, sunscreen, spare shirt, spare socks, many thick band-aids, mobile phone, some writing paper and pens. All up the pack weighed about 6kg. I was going to take a camera to document the journey but the battery charger had failed in the night and I decided to push on without it. I strapped my heels with band-aids and armoured myself in my beloved black boots.

With a jaunty wave and a "I am going out for a walk. I may be some time" to GirlClumsy I headed out into the world. That was at 10:20am.

Every hour I would take out my pen and paper and document where I was and how I was feeling at the time. I have reproduced what I wrote below.

11:21am - Cnr South Pine Rd and Farrington St, Alderley - Feel fine but wet (yay rain)

12:19pm - Cnr Old Northern Rd and Chinook St, suburb unknown (Rode Rd overpass) - Still fine. I have driven this road many times but I respect the distance now. Enjoying the change in houses as I head out of the city into the burbs.

1:22pm - Cnr South Pine Road (again! sneaky road) and Bunya Park Drive, Brendale. Have officially entered Pine Rivers. Bastard bastarding hills. Rolling hills you don't even notice in a car. Bastards. Right thigh starting to ache. Blister forming on left foot little toe.

2:21pm - Cnr Lavarack Rd and Samsonvale Rd, Bray Park. Blisters are now becoming painful. Need to stop and protect my feet. Feeling slightly heat distressed for the first time. I have decided to stop and sit under a tree and replaster my feet and change socks. I will have a short break and then push on. All this time will have to be made up later. Want to walk to my parent's house nearby and rest there but I doubt I would leave again.

*In 4 hours I had walked approximately 26 km. I seemed to be making good time. It occured to me during the break that a marathon is 42.2km. I started wondering if I could make it that far. I also had a profound respect for people that run that distance in 2.5 hours!*

Set out again at 2:50pm

3:50pm - Cnr of Yebri St and Anzac Ave, Petrie (Ruth Whitfield Memorial Park). Right Hip starting to hurt. Feet not so bad. Lunch break did wonders. Had a sneaky pee behind a tree in Ms Whitfield's Park. Very yellow. Must drink more water. First time I have ever done that in my adult life... I am an anarchist.

4:50pm - Cnr Bray Rd and Anzac Ave, Kallangur. I hate Anzac Ave. Long long long looooooong road. Everything below the waist starting to complain. I officially name this trek Death March 2009.

5:52pm - Cnr Deception Bay Rd and Anzac Ave, REDCLIFFE!!! Officially have entered Redcliffe. Officially still on Anzac Ave. Officially f*cking angry at the non-ending bastard road Anzac Ave. Screw you Anzac Ave and your endless f*cking length. Was momentarily happy when I saw the Welcome to Redcliffe sign but then happiness was replaced with fear as I was swarmed by a billion hungry mosquitos that breed in the feted swamp that is Redcliffe. THIS IS WHY THE ORIGINAL COLONISTS LEFT THIS SHITE-HOLE FOR BRISBANE. I had to run from the swarm. hobble painfully... whatever. slight tunnel vision. thirsty.

16:50pm *I think I meant 6:50 or 18:50.. Mr Brain was not happy by this time* Klingner Rd across from Macfarlane Park, Redcliffe. Death March 2009 over. Limping heavily, right foot very sore inside the foot. tunnel vision worse, all water gone. GC is coming to pick me up and bringing water. Sore right arm for some reason. Yelled at by twice by passing cars on the final stretch. Huzzah for Redcliffe. You win the Bogan Prize.

---

When GirlClumsy arrived she told me that I looked like a injured dog as I limped to the car. She reset the travel odometer in the car and traced my route in reverse. In eight hours I had walked 40km exactly. For accuracy sake I am going to say that is 40 km (plus or minus 0.5 km). I was very annoyed that I had not gone the full marathon. GirlClumsy was very amused how annoyed I was at myself for not making it to 42.2km.

I had proved very nicely the 5km average walking speed. My speed for the first half of the walk was just under 6 km an hour and then it decreased to its lowest point of 4.5 km per hour at the end.

So, what have I learned from all this madness? 40km is a long way to walk. My heavy boots, though excellent, might have been a little too heavy for this. I get angry when I get tired. When I get angry I don't feel pain and I speed up. Unlike my trek through the High Atlas Mountains, Morocco in 2006 this didn't push me to the limits of my endurance. It was painful but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I also saw why population centres are where they are. They are all separated by the distance that a person could walk or ride in under a day. It seems pretty damn obvious when you walk the distance and not just fly by in a car.

Most importantly I learned that I am fitter than I thought I was but not as fit as I would like to be.

Am I glad I did Death March 2009? - Yes. I am happy I could plan it, implement and have the guts and testicular fortitude to finish what I started.

Will I be doing Death Mark 2010? - HELL, NO!

*Death March 2009 - Aftermath* Today I awoke and the limping has gone from bad to worse. My right foot is very sore inside. I suspect I have pulled a muscle in my foot. My right hip is extremely sore. When I try to stand straight it feels like my right leg is about 5 cm taller then my left. It must be from the swelling. Neurofen and my own mutant healing factor will fix it right up lickity-split. Muscles in the legs feel fine. Very deep blister on my right foot at the back. Right elbow is sore for no apparent reason. In fact, the right hand side of my body seems to have taken the brunt of the damage. So much for the left hand side being the sinister side. I have the oddest chaff marks right across my body from my clothes. They are numerous but not in the places you would think you would have them*

Thus begins the autopsy...

2009-02-02T19:08:00.013+10:00

Cleanup required in the Operating Theatre!

The first series (more on that later) of the fully improvised play "Prognosis : Death!" has come to a close at the Brisbane Arts Theatre. The doctors and nurses of St Love have hung up their scrubs. Though I was aware of the potential of this production I am blown away at how popular the show became in its short six episode run. On the last night we had 95 people in the audience. Over the series we averaged 66 people per night. Every night more and more people came to see the show. Many were repeat audience members who came back to see if we were telling truth that each show was fully unscripted and made up on the spot based on their suggestions (We were and It was). It was a great experience to be a part of this show and its goes to prove the power and popularity of Theatre/Impro hybrid concepts. I think Impro Mafia will be looking more into this style of show in the future.

The sexy staff of St Love Hospital

If you missed any of the last three episodes a brief synopsis of each is below.

Episode 4 - "St Love and the Blizzard of Dreams"

A terrible snowstorm had trapped all the staff of St Love inside the hospital. The last person to make it to work was Dr Melody Carmichael (Intern) who had slept in that morning by mistake as she had been plagued with terrible dreams the night before. Before long weird and inexplicable events were happening in the hospital. Strange, otherworldy figures were seen stalking the halls of St Love as the staff's deepest dreams started coming true! Medical Superintendent Harold Dean finally fired Dr Mangold, Nurse Buble finally consummated her relationship with Dr Mangold and Dr Melody Carmichael (Intern) finally took the coveted position of "Best Damn Surgeon at St Love" from Dr Mangold. In fact, the only person who wasn't enjoying himself was Dr Burton Mangold (except for the consummation bit). He had lost a young boy patient, Bobby, to "The Sickness" (Symptoms of "The Sickness" include loss of use of legs, coughing and projectile vomiting of blood over nearby doctors) and started to realise that people's dreams and nightmares were coming true. Dr Mangold quickly worked out he needed to find the solution in his own dreams. After being shagged to sleep by Nurse Buble and helped along by punches to the face by Medical Superintendent Harold Dean, Dr Mangold entered The Dreamscape. After nearly being sexually molested by a dream ape (in song no less) Dr Mangold found out how to save the day from the dream version of Bobby. Everything was back to normal... except at that moment Dr Melody Carmichael WOKE UP! It had all been a terrible nightmare and everything was back to normal... except at that moment Dr Ludwig LeStrange WOKE UP! It had all been a terrible dream of a woman dreaming a terrible dream about the staff falling prey to terrible dreams... freaky!

Episode 5 - "St Love and the Fourth Reich"

1944 - Germany - The Black Forest. Two Nazi Officers built a time machine using the Equations of Einstein and Blood Magic. They hurled themselves into the future to make sure the Nazi Reich would rule the world forever.

Present Day - St Love. The Nazis infiltrated St Love Hospital killing off the staff members and taking their place. They even managed to replace Medical Superintendent Howard Dean (Harold Dean's identical twin brother) with an evil Nazi Doppelganger! The Nazi's hid their evil nazi plans by convincing the staff it was time for Oktoberfest. Dr Mangold and Nurse Buble became suspicious especially of their new Lutheran priest Jeremy Von Thistlewaite. Soon, however, their suspicion was proven to be miss placed as lutheran priest was slain by the real master of the Nazi's.. Dr Ludwig LeStrange. Le Strange had travelled to the future many years ago to create the Fourth Reich using the blood of a virgin. Le Strange captured the lovely Nurse Buble and the Rise of the Fourth Reich seemed assured until Dr Mangold arrived and pointed out that thanks to him Nurse Buble was not a virgin! Thwarted, Le Strange used the only other virgin blood he had close by... his own. Fortunately the blood needed to be female for the time portal magic to work properly. The two hench-Nazis were thrown back in time to 1944, England, where they were shot but Dr Mangold's grandfather BlackSmith Mangold. Dr Le Strange was also caught in the time vortex and thrown back 70 million years. He made friends with the dinosaurs and taught Tyrannosaurus Rex how to use their stumpy little hands. Once again the hospital was saved.

Episode 6 - "St Love and the Morningstar"

Dr Burton Mangold was "The Best Damn Surgeon" at St Love Hospital until the arrival of his best friend/worst enemy Dr Rik Cocksteady. Cocksteady could do everything Mangold could do but better. He was richer, sexier and a better lover and doctor too! Soon he had replaced at Mangold in everything at St Love Hospital. Dr Mangold left the hospital in disgrace. Meanwhile, the new preacher Presbyterian Minister Jeremy McThistlewaite had noticed strange and unsettling things in the hospital. The Baptismal font had turned to blood. The staff were being tempted to perform acts of lust and gluttony. Even the cafeteria coffee had turned to blood! McThistlewaite new this was the work of Satan (The Morningstar) ... read your bible! He also thought he knew who Satan was working through... the Nazi from last episode Dr Ludwig Le Strange!. Taking matters into his own hands he slew Le Strange. Unfortunately the occult occurrences continued and McThistlewaite went insane realising he had committed the sin of Wrath! Outside the hospital Dr Burton Mangold was drinking himself into an early grave when he was visited by a hard drinking, hard fighting, hard singing (in a manly way), archangel called Gabe. Gabe restored Mangold's faith in himself using song and Mangold returned to the hospital to face Satan. Back at the hospital Dr Rik Cocksteady botched a lobotomy on McThistlewaite, killing him. Cocksteady realised he had fallen to the sin of Pride. Dr Burton Mangold returned to the hospital and revealed Satan to be (not Medical Superintendent Harold Dean) none other than Dr Melody Carmichael (Intern). Melody's Satanic power was too strong however and she would have taken over the world but for one thing. Dr Mangold and Nurse Buble admitted their love for each other. This tender moment brought the attention of God to the scene who, as the Prince of Peace, enchanted the bullets in Mangold's gun. Together, Dr Burton Mangold and Dr Rik Cocksteady shot Satan multiple times in the head.

Even with everything back to normal there was still time for one last plot twist. As the lights started to fade Dr Burton Mangold fell to one knee and asked Nurse Lottie Buble to marry him! No answer was heard...

What will happen next series of "Prognosis : Death!"? Will Nurse Lottie Buble marry Dr Burton Mangold? Will Reverend Jeremy Thistlewaite ever find true faith?? Will Dr Ludwig Le Strange ever feel the tough of a woman? Will Medical Superintendent Harold Dean ever manage to beat Dr Mangold? Will people ever stop calling Dr Melody Carmichael (Intern) "Nurse Carmichael"?

Will there ever be a series two? The answer to that is a definite maybe! ImproMafia is in negotiations with the Brisbane Arts Theatre to bring the show back later in the year. We hope to have series two in July. If you have suggestion for the show feel free to drop me a line.

As I have had said before (ad nauseum!) "Prognosis : Death!" has been a wonderful experience. Impro Mafia is dedicated to exploring this style of show further. Keep an eye on the ImproMafia website for show details. Also, If you are interested in the musical aspect of the show have a squiz at the musing of our excellent musician Kris at his website www.musicalhotspot.com

My God! A picture of me I do not hate

Prognosis : Success!

2009-01-27T17:51:00.018+10:00

If you live in Brisbane, hopefully you have heard about the success of Impro Mafia's latest production "Prognosis : Death!". This show is a fully improvised play where the audience comes up with the nature of the threat that threatens the town of St Love. It is 'Scrubs' mashed with the 'X-Files'. Each performance is a fully contained episode of 'Prognosis : Death!' but some show cross over occurs to reward the audience members who have come to more than one performance. A a fast paced, comedy full of adults themes, invasive medical procedures, supernatural shenanigans, buckets of blood and simmering sexual tension!

It has been described in reviews as similar to "Let the Blood Run Free" (if you are an older audience member) or "Garth Marenghi's Darkplace" (If you are one of the beautiful young things)

The show has had excellent audiences for its first three perfomances (average of 50+ a night).

The cast above (left to right) - David as Dr Burton Mangold, Natalie as Nurse Lottie Buble, Luke as Medical Superintendent Harold Dean, Michael as The Mummy Amon-Ra, Wade as Reverend Jeremy Thistlewaite, our excellent musician Kris, Dan as Dr Ludwig LeStrange and Amy as Dr Melody Carmicheal (Intern).

The recap of each show should whet your appetite for our last few performances!

Episode 1 - "St Love and the Itty Bitty Vampire Kitty Committee"

St Love Hospital fell under the dark power of a Vampire Kitten! The Kitten had been buried in the Indian Burial Ground Pet Cemetery and had clawed its way back to the land of the living looking for blood!. Many of the staff at St Love Hospital fell to its lolcat claws, forever transformed into Vampire Kitties! Reverend Thistlewaite rediscovered his lost faith just in time to smite the vampire kittens with his very heavy bible.

Episode 2 - "St Love and the Portrait of Madness"

Medical Superintendent Harold Dean was desperate for funds for his hospital so he ordered a Hospital Jumble Sale. Little did he know that the local crime boss "Glasses McGee" has hidden a 500 year old possessed painting in the basement. The Crime boss was scared that the local superhero "The Leggy Avenger" would reclaim his booty. Little did he realise that The Leggy Avenger was none other than St Love's Nurse Lottie Buble! Harold Dean was driven mad by the possessed painting - killing off the staff of St Love one by one. Egged on by the possessed painting Medical Superintendent Harold Dean almost killed all the staff but finally he, and the painting, were stopped by the powerful crotch kicks of The Leggy Avenger and her new sidekick Footsie!

Episode 3 - "St Love and the Curse of Osiris"

Dr Ludwig LeStrange, taking a sabbatical from the hospital to pursue his hobby of archaeology, accidentally disturbed the remains of a 5000 year old Mummy by removing its brain and taking it back to St Love Hospital. As fate would have it he had to use the brain in a transplant to save his old sidekick "Minky". With the brain of the Pharaoh Amon-Ra and the youthful body of Minky the Mummy went looking for a living bride. A Plague of Chicken (singular) and a Plague of Blood (most definitely plural!) were visited on St Love Hospital. The Mummy slaughtered his way through the hospital but it did finally find a bride, Dr Melody Carmichael!. The young Melody was quite smitten by her exotic new husband but was disturbed to discover he had no genitals due to a tragic lion related accident thousands of year ago. The Mummy and his bride were content to leave the hospital in peace forever but they were bravely smote by Dr Burton Mangold and his anti-eczema Sorbelene cream.

Remember, all story suggestions are taken from the audience. The entire hour long performance is 'off the cuff' and unscripted.

What will happen in the next episode of "Prognosis : Death!"?

You will have to come to the Brisbane Arts Theatre to find out!

Running Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays
January 22 to 31.
8pm
Special low price! $15 adults/$10 concessions.
Bookings: 3369 2344
210 Petrie Terrace, Brisbane

A Very Dalek Christmas

2008-12-24T14:43:00.002+10:00

Ho Ho EXTERMINATE!

Below are some pictures of the Xmas Dalek here at Chez Clumsy.

May you all have a very Merry Xmas and a Happy New Year.

Also.. only two more sleeps to The Next Doctor!

Keep in eye on www.girlclumsy.com to see the continual painful adventures of the one and only GirlClumsy!

Wah-ducation and The Beatles

2008-11-07T13:07:00.003+10:00

How are The Beatles like The Wah's university education?

Two down and two to go.

Beatles = members
Wah = years

booyah!

Where's your messiah now?

2008-09-25T00:14:00.001+10:00

As of 15 minutes ago I officially have lived longer than Jesus.

The Wah - 1 / Son of God - 0

Take that, God!

Building Better Beings

2008-08-31T19:19:00.004+10:00

The computer game 'Spore' will be released in under a week. Below are some of the creatures I have created for the game.

I believe Spore could be one of the best 'God' games ever produced. Here's to abnormally high expectations ;)

Home

2008-08-06T21:23:00.005+10:00

Well... I'm home

The vehicle i came home in was a bit rickety but got me there eventually... (the pilot was a bit of a dummy)

I was in a fight with a couple of total Clankers...

but i did make a new man's best friend on the way...---

To be honest, I am not that keen on being back.. ah well

Girlclumsy is still out and about in Edinburgh and having more fun than all of us put together working for and performing at the Edinburgh Comedy Fringe Festival. Keep an eye out on what she's up to here

Why it sucks to be you

2008-07-28T10:10:00.005+10:00

Harsh words in the title of this blog, eh?

Yet, it is true.

You may think everything is going swimmingly but it still sucks to be you.

You may have recently fallen in love.
You may have be given a big fat promotion at work.
You may have paid off your house.
You may have booked your world wide holiday.
You may have bought a puppy.
You may have discovered you are pregnant.
You may have gotten the tests back and it IS just a mole.
You may have finally gotten the accident insurance money.
You may have driven home in your new Bugatti Veyron.
You may have been elected in a massive voter landslide.
You may have completed your tertiary education with excellent marks.
You may have eaten the best sandwich in your entire life

...but it still sucks to be you..

... For you see... If you at not one of the audience at the Royal Shakespeare Company's version of Hamlet at the Courtyard Theatre tomorrow then it sucks to be you.

Starring an excellent cast, such as Patrick Stewart as Claudius and David Tennant as The Dane, this is going to be one of the best nights of theatre I have ever been a part of.

We have all done pretty amazing things in our lives, I am sure...

...But if you are not in the crowd tonight at Stratford-Upon-Avon...

...well... its sucks to be you.

The Doctor and The Wah

2008-07-23T06:38:00.005+10:00

Greetings from sunny Glasgow!

I could write a blog post about Scotland and England fighting for hundreds of years.

I could write a blog post about the thousands of historical sites scattered across this tiny country.

I could write a blog post about my sister and my brother-in-law

Buuuuuut... this blog is about something REEEEEALLY important.

The TARDIS on Buchanan Street in the centre of Glasgow!

I'll always be here to keep you up to date with the important items from around the U.K!

Keep an eye on Girlclumsy's blog for more videos!

You have to travel the world to meet your neighbour

2008-07-17T07:17:00.005+10:00

Mljet (Milyet) is a charming little coastal town on the Adriatic sea. We are anchored here tonight to taste the local Pivo (beer) and listen to our captain and crew play Croatian songs.

It has been an amazing couple of days here on the Tarin.

The Captain of the Tarin (also a fabulous accordian player) owns her as well. He spends his time in around the Dalmatian Coast for the summer working with Busabout hauling tourists (mainly Australians) around. In the winter he works his way north taking German/Austrian tourists around the north Adriatic... it is an amazing life.

But I am not here to talk about the amazing holiday in which I find myself... great thought it is ;)

What I do want to talk to about is the people you meet when on holidays.

I used to live in Bowen. 200 km north of Mackay and 200 km south of Townsville FNQ (Far North Queensland). Tonight my sister and I discovered two Bowen boys on the boat moored next to ours.

We couldn't believe it! They lived in the same shitty town about 10 years after we left it! In all my years of travel I have never met another Bowenite. It gets stranger still. These two lads lived in 54 Whitsunday St. (Go Google Earth it.. i can wait). I used to live across the the road in 51 Whitsunday St! They have played in the house I grew up in! Weeeeeeird! They have had Mr Shields as a teacher! He was my (and their) science teacher. Mr Shields is the reason I want to be a science teacher. The fact he is still alive and teaching blew my mind...

Anyhoo.. It is amazing how far you have to run to hear stories about a place you used to call home.
Enjoy the picture of the Croatian Flag and the wonderful Adriatic Sea. It will be hard to leave this lovely place.

So much horror in the recent past quickly washed away...

For videos of what we have been up to go to GirlClumsy's website. Shenanigans a-go-go!

Welcome to Wah Town

2008-07-15T08:25:00.002+10:00

Greetings from Croatia...

sorry about the lack of posts but internet access has been few and far between.. and the small towns dotting the Adriatic have limited free wi-fi! (What is this.. early 2002?!??!)

Our Dalmatian Coast trip has been amazing. Great weather, great boat, fantastic food.. this trip has had it all. We have been onboard for three days and it has been a blur of swimming, eating, sleeping and drinking into the wee hours of the very short Croatian summer nights.

What can i say about Croatia and the Dalmatian Coast? It reminds me of the Greek Cyclades. These islands have everything the greek islands have except they havent quite worked out how to screw you for every Kuna. Where the greek islands where cock a block with tourists with nary a greek accent to be heard, every second person walking the quaint marbled backstreets is a native Croatian. These island towns are great places to relax and unwind and have fun.

As I type this I am sitting on the Riva of Hvar Town on the island of Hvar. Hvar is pronounced H-Wah... ya gotta love that ;) World Wide Wah indeed! It is a very odd feeling to sit in a very old school style marble dock watching the revelers move from bar to bar with a laptop on you knee. A blend of the old and new that i find rather delicious.

Our ship is the 'Tarin'. It is a lovely old refurbished ship. Girlclumsy and I have what can be called a stateroom at the bow of the ship. Hot running water and a comfy bed.. all is well in Wah Town. 'll post pictures as soon as i download them from the camera. If you can't wait then head on over to GirlClumsy's blog to see some great videos of our trip so far.

It is after midnight and the town is still pumping. Must run!

This is Wah Town... you are just visiting here :)

Fat and Sassy in Brunei

2008-07-10T17:24:00.008+10:00

The couple of day stop in Brunei was a very interesting experience. We wee treated like the Sultan himself by the good people at Good Miles tours. Girlclumsy had talked them at 4BC when they came to promote Brunei a few weeks ago and they gave us the 'inspection tour'. This meant they pretended we were travel agents coming from overseas to check out their operation. In short this meant we went on tours to a water village, saw iguana and proboscus monkeys and are entirely for free! We felt like class traitors! GC and I see ourselves as rather daring backpackers poking our noses into the world's nook and crannies. In Brunei we became fat and sassy overlords being carted around in airconditioned comfort... and yes I could become use to it ;).

Brunei relies 95% on it's oil production and sales. It is a very rich nation. The sultan is one of the richest people in the world but unlike most rich rulers he does give a lot back to his people. Free education, health care, electricity, water, low interest loans for houses.. the list goes on. This guy is what i could call a Benevolent Dictator. Look, it isn't all bells and whistles but it is pretty good for the people in this country. Crime is incredibly low here.. and it isn't because of draconian laws and punishments.. as if that works anyway. It is because the people do not have to worry about whether they have a place to sleep and food to eat. If you have the basics for survival you don't need to rob some pasty white tourist. Something for our 'Screw-you-Jack-I'm-alright' mentality to think about.

The most amazing sight was the '29th' Mosque. Built by the current sultan (The 29th sultan of the one family since the 1300's) it is the second biggest mosque in the world.

Unlike Morocco, we were allowed to entire this mosque. It was a beautiful testament to the architectural cleverness of human beings. (heh.. if that isn't a comment from an atheist i don't know what is).

I can really really recommend Brunei as a day (or two day) stop when travelling from Australia. It reminds of Dubai before it went uber western. It is safe and moderately muslim. They don't care who you worship. In fact, while i was here I was offered alcohol by our hosts because 'Australians are big drinkers'... I was also offered 'other services' but I will say no more as this is a family rated site.

If you want to see other photos and videos of Brunei have a squiz at GirlClumsy's Blog.

The trip to London was easy. You sit, you watch movies, you eat, you sleep, you eat, you watch movies.. rinse and repeat.

We meet my sister and her husband today. Tomorrow it is off to Croatia!

Before I go I do have some sad news. Cassandra Puddleduck is no longer with us. Cassie was the family Irish Wolfhound who faithfully served our family for over a decade. She was gentle, kind and loving. A true lady. Her nick name was "Eileen' because she loved to lean against you.. and when a 60 kg Irish Wolfhound decides to lean on your leg you know about it. She was diagnosed with liver cancer 15 months ago and was given 1-3 months to live. She beat the odds for so long and was happy and healthy until a few days before she died. If you knew her then you know what a wonderful hound she was. I wish I had a picture I could put up here but I don't have any on the laptop. There is a movie called "The Truth about Cats and Dogs". I have no idea what the movie is about but someone once told me the truth about cats and dogs is that they die. I don't agree. I think the truth about cats and dogs is that they lived.

**edit**

Here is a picture of the lovely Cassie. More human than most humans I know. I will be forever a part of her pack

Travel makes the heart grow fonder

2008-07-05T17:12:00.006+10:00

Tomorrow, Sunday 6th July, GirlClumsy and I set out on another of our world trekking trips. Nowhere near as ambitious as the last 6 month epic, this time we are away for 4 weeks. Well, I'm away for 4 weeks and GC is away for 5!

We are heading to Croatia to sail the Dalmatian Coast with my sister and my brother-in-law

We then scoot back to Scotland for a few days to recuperate.

Then its GC and me heading south attempting to see as many British heritage sights as we can. We have the excellent Great British Heritage pass and we intend to get out money's worth!

We stop at Stratford-Upon-Avon to visit Doctor Who.. um.. I mean see David Tennant in the Royal Shakespeare Company's production of Hamlet. I am very excited about this. GC is trying to get an interview with Mr Tennant... all professional and above board... honest!

Then we head back to London and I fly home to start semester two of uni but GirlClumsy wings her way back to Edinburgh to help the very talented Deborah Frances-White spruik her comedy show " "How to Get Almost Anyone to Want to Sleep With You" at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.

All in all.. it is going to be an amazing few weeks.

What can you do to fill your endless days while I am away ;) Well, read this blog or GirlClumsy's Better blog!

You must also go to this year's "Off the Cuff" Improvised Comedy Festival at the Powerhouse! Run by ImproMafia this event will show the talent of some of the funniest people from Brisbane, Australia and the World!

Book as early as possible to get seats for these shows. They are going to be amazing and I am very jealous I will not be in the country to perform in them!

So you have impro awesomeness to watch and a couple of blogs to read. GirlClumsy are taking a laptop on our trek this time so we should be able to keep you all updated as we travel. GC tells me that video blogs are the communication de jour.. we shall see!

Happy Trails to everyone...

My thoughts are with the people and the furry people who need them now

"The Truth" is here!

2008-04-22T17:42:00.002+10:00

Tonight, 22nd April, The Truth begins!

Below is a news-promo mockumentary trailer for the show.

See you all at .. "The Truth!"

Brisbane Arts Theatre

Season: April 22 – May 3, 2008
Tuesday – Saturdays @ 8pm
Sunday April 27 @ 2pm

BOOKINGS ESSENTIAL 3369 2344

www.artstheatre.com.au

He's Back!

2008-04-01T15:43:00.003+10:00

Returning this weekend in a blue box and blue suit...

The Doctor!

and I am jiggly with excitement!

...and this isn't an April Fool's Day prank

The Truth

2008-03-11T00:25:00.004+10:00

Vote Saxon

2007-06-18T10:42:00.001+10:00

Smith and Jones

2007-04-02T01:45:00.000+10:00

I don't blog unless I am travelling. I don't think the world needs more mundane drivel.

But I will blog for the greatest traveller of them all :)

Ladies and Gentlmen, Please be upstanding for the 3rd series of the new Doctor Who!. It has started in the U.K as of 31st of March and it is (on the words of his Ninth Regeneration)

FANTASTIC!

You have to wonder about a show that can make a man in his early thirties 'Squeeee' with joy at the sight and sound of a old blue police box.

Watch it.. love it... The Tenth Doctor has found his stride and his new companion, Martha, looks like a fiesty new girl in the 900 year old time lords life

Home again, Home again, Jiggedy-Jig-Jig!

2007-01-08T08:42:00.000+10:00

Flew into Bris-Vegas early in the morning after a 15 hour flight. It is amazing how one becomes used to long haul flights. I was wedged in between a stranger on my right (who had nabbed the important window seat!) and Girlclumsy on my left. I thought i was going to have a problem being stuck in the middle but i was very zen about the whole situation (after having a minor freakout at Dubai airport).

Coming from a scottish winter into an australian summer has be kicking me around. Not the temperature, which has been very nice all things considering, but the sunlight. Right now in Glasgow the sun doesn't get up until after 8:30am (which is a sensible time to be up, if you ask me) and goes down about 4pm. This morning i was awoken by very loud and impolite australian birds screeching at each other about how great the day was... at 5am! By 7:30am the sun had risen higher in the sky than it ever does in scotland and seems to be intent on reaching the zenith as soon as possible. After many months away I am a stranger in a strange land.

Things look odd to me at the moment. 2L softdrink bottles are fat and round where in the U.K they are taller and slender. The trees have leaves on them. Australian birds are very impolite! The European birds seem to talk to each other in measured tones where aussie birds yell at top volume. I can hear in the background people out mowing their lawns (which are surprisingly green considering Brisbane is in the middle of level 4 water restrictions)

I have started moving all my stuff into the new flat. I am glad i turfed so much of my collected rubbish before i went away but after living from one backpack for 5 months i am appalled how much more rubbish i seem to have. One only needs a pair of shoes, a few pairs of underwear, a shirt or two and pair of good jeans... and a swiss army knife. Anything else is an extravagence!

I am back in Brisbane... i'll get back to the relative 'goodness' or 'badness'of this fact later ;)

Dubai, Dubai, Wipe that tear from your eye

2007-01-06T03:15:00.000+10:00

Salaam Ali Koomb from the United Arab Emirates!

Instead of stampeding for home in a 24 hour marathon flight, Girlclumsy and I decided to break the journey up by stopping at the extraordinary Dubai. The flight on Emirates was great. The seats are comfortable and they dont squash you right up against the seat in front. The inflight entertainment was amazing with hundreds of movies, tv shows and radio to enjoy.. they even had games. If you get bored on planes now it really is your own fault! I even liked the food! A very enjoyable flight all round.

Dubai is an amazing place especially if you like shopping. There are more posh shopping centres here than anywhere I have ever seen and more extravagent (but tasteful) displays of mega-wealth than anywhere else. Of course there is more to Dubai than just shopping and you can get a godo feel of the 'normal' people here but walking around the streets in souks and markets.

Girlclumsy has come down with some sort of illness. We thought she had caught my flu from a few days ago but she has been slightly more seriuosly ill than that! (Dont get tooo worried. she aint dyin'!)

We went to the Mall of the Emirates and saw the 400m long indoor skiing field they have built. The place is huuuuuuuuge and it even have mock swiss chalets inside it so the skiers can get a hot chocolate.

35 years ago Dubai was basically desert but now it ruptures out of the sand next to the beautiful arabian gulf. It is amazing what stability and extreme wealth can do to make a city bloom in the desert.

On the bus yesterday we started talking to a local man. He was very happy to help us with directions and local information as long as we told everybody back in Australia that Muslims are not all terrorists. He felt that western media portrayed muslims in a bad light andhe really wanted us to address that balance. As far as im concerned muslims are just people like everybody else. It is the lunatics that can be found in ALL countries and ALL religons that make life difficult for the average peace loving person.

We went to stare at the Burj Al Arab. It is the hotel that instantly comes to mind when you think of Dubai. Rising 320 metres above the sea it looks like a white sale and won the Hotel of the Millenium a few years ago. I found out it is based slightly on the Sydney Opera House and Eiffel Tower. You cant go in there just to look around anymore and the rooms cost from $2500 a night! Girlclumsy and I made do with looking at the outside for free.

This city is constant flux with many many many new skyscrapers going up all around. There is a new train system being built and i get the feeling this city will be considered one of the greatest cities on earth very very soon. Dont get me worng.. there is awful poverty here as well but the city has a very modern vibe to it that makes it very easy to like.. even for a non-shopper like me!

We dont really have enough time to explore this city at any great depth but it is somewhere we would like to come back to in the future..especially when we can afford $2500 a night for a room!

Movin' on into 2007

2007-01-03T09:30:00.000+10:00

Greetings,

The sun was shining bright today here in Glasgow today. Clear blue skies and a bright sun is not the norm for this time of year. I keep being told it is 'unseasonably warm'. I like to think my Sun-God powers grow ever greater with each passing year.. or maybe it is Global Warming... Wah Divinity or Pollution... the great debate!

I have to point out one thing.. ice is hard and wet! I know you are sitting there thinking DUH! but for me ice has always been something that gummed up your freezer. It wasnt something that occured naturally on the ground! Solid water and liquid water co-existing together in the same place! a miracle! I have uploaded all the photos to date at this URL. To see me struggling with the concept of solid water overlaying liquid water in a pond have a look at the 'Muir of Ord' photos.

New Years Eve was a hoot! I have come down with some kind of cold/flu thingame and it really has been kicking me around but a few lagers and wee drams of whisky and i was ready to ceilidh the night away. You can see how ill i am in the photos ... some of it is my usual ugly moosh but a lot of it is nasty flu. Outside was blowing a huge gale. The outside celebrations for most of Scotland was cancelled due to the dangerous winds but we were safe inside an old stone church in the middle of the city. I have uploaded all the photos from NYE as well... what does a mock-scotsman wear up his kilt??? The Ceilidh dancing was great. I had my first taste of it at my sister's wedding and i was chuffed to do it again for New Years Eve. It is a great, inclusive style of mass dancing and if you are crap at it is doesnt matter as everybody gets bad as the whisky flows! huzzah! It ended with Auld Lang Syne yelled at top volume at least three times and loads of hugging and kissing all round .. aaaw. Girlclumsy and I even had a romantic waltz.. double aaaw. The night didnt end there! Nooooo sireeee! We whisked ourselves through the gale to Wes and Julie's flat .. kinda near the Gorbals but i was pretty wasted at the time and that might be wrong :) There we got down to listening to scottish tunes.. such as the Proclaimers and many renditions of 'Flower of Scotland' ('..and sent them home, to think again'). i know there was a video camera wandering about and i know i did 'something' in front of it. It might just destroy my future political career ;) All in all a fabulous night with fabulous people.

I have had many different types of single malt whisky poured down my gullet over the last few weeks and i have developed a taste for the expensive stuff :) I am now a Whisky-Snob in training :) There are so many types of whisky... but it is called the Water of Life so if i drink a lot of it i am sure i will have enough years to sample them all.

I am going to miss my sister Deb and her new husband Eoghann. They have been oh so welcoming. They had only bought this house a little before we arrived and with the wedding and us swanning in and out over 2 months they really havent had much time to enjoy it by themselves. I can only hope they come out to Oz pretty damn sharpish!

Tomorrow we are off again! Boarding a midday-ish plane to go to the United Arab Emirates and more particularly Dubai. Who knows what madness awaits us there but it cant be any 'worse' than Morocco!

Sky Wagons Ho!

2006 - We hardly knew you

2006-12-31T21:40:00.000+10:00

Sitting here in my sister's house in Glasgow on the last day of the year. The last few months have been rather busy for girlclumsy and myself... just a little :)

Personally I have to say that 2006 was a pretty good year for me. We have travelled many many places and seen amazing things. Yet it was not just the travel for me this year. It is hard to remember my life before August of this year (Haven't I always just travelled around the world randomly? I am pretty sure this is what I was born to do... give me my TARDIS..im ready), but I do remember directing Equus at the Brisbane Arts Theatre. Now that was a interesting experience! Everything from intense worry, anger, confusion, hope and elation. In the end the show went brilliantly (if i do say so myself!) and i couldnt have been more proud of my cast, my stage manager, my set builder and even myself. I discovered recently that the play is going to be performed again at the Metro Arts Theatre in Brisbane lat January.. so keep an eye out for it.

Christmas was excellent and relaxing. Eoghann's parents (my sister's parents-in-law) are some of the nicest and most welcoming people you could ever meet. Over the last few months I have cut down my food intake (mainly as we couldnt afford to eat sometimes!) but that wasnt going to happen at the Walker residence.. no sireee! We were well fed to the point of bursting with all sorts of scottish treats and meats.. well I had a lot of vegetarian options but the house was full of freshly hunted pheasant and venison. We played board games, ate, went for walks through the scottish highlands, ate, drank waaaaay to much, ate, slept, ate, watched the Doctor Who Xmas Special (The Doctor can be a cruel man at times!), ate, tasted a few (ie many) different types of single malt whisky (I have become a whisky snob in training ;) ) and ate ate ate! All in all a very successful xmas.

We have spent the last few days bumming around Glasgow. Girlclumsy has been enjoying the January Sales (Now in December!) and i bought a beautiful velvet 3/4 length coat...i will only have to wait 6 months or so until it is cold enough in Brisbane to wear it again!

Finally watched the second series of the British comedy show 'The Mighty Boosh'. Much better than series one, imo. The only really disturbing part was the character 'Old Gregg'. Half man, half fish (or maybe 70/30 ratio) with a 'mix-up downstairs'... one word 'Mangina'. I have been wandering around Glasgow saying 'I'm Old Gregg' over and over in a high pitched voice. Well, it amuses me.

We are going to an indoor skiing field this afternoon. It hasnt snowed here in Glasgow at all and we have had a lot of sun! The scottish keep telling me it is unseasonably warm here. I am hoping i break my leg today so i have to take 6 weeks off from work when i get back ;) After the afternoon ski (or even snowboarding) we are off to a Ceilidh for the New Year's celebration. This is a traditional scottish shindig, with dancing, drinking and kilts! I wore a kilt at my sister's wedding and loved it so much i have hired another one for tonight... Nothing is sexier than a man in a woollen skirt. That may be my love of Eddie Izzard going to far :)

Aaaaanyhoo... I have to go make myself beautiful for the ball.

Best Wishes to Everyone for the New Year.

Christmas cancelled due to fog

2006-12-23T13:09:00.000+10:00

So... we try and leave Rome and discover that Liverpool airport is closed due to fog. Bummer, hey. So we wait in line.. and wait and wait and finally get a choise between waiting a day for the next Liverpool flight or wait an hour and go to London Luton instead. Thinking that it would bet better to be stuck in London than in Rome for xmas we take the London Luton flight.

thank.. the... gods...

We fly in and manage to hire one of the last rental cars and make our way north. Tagging along with Girlclumsy and I is a Canadian girl we met in the line in Rome who must have decided we were not a serial killer couple (Though GC did start some strange Wolf Creek related conversation in the middle of the Penines... strange girl!). On our 5 hour drive north to Liverpool we here that all the London airports have been closed due to inclement weather.. and so has Liverpool airport! Bloody Hell! As far as we know they airports are still closed but they hope it will all clear by the 24th of December.#

It seems we dodged the sleeping-in-Luton-airport-for-xmas bullet by 24 hours.

We made it to Liverpool safely and met up with MixMaster Mike (last time we saw Mike wasin greece). We spent a fun day and night bar hopping and visiting places from my mum's childhood. I dont mean my mum spent her childhood in bars... i mean she is a Scouser at heart and i managed to track down the very house she was born in!

Wellington St in Garston, Liverpool! Found it! It was funny to think of my Mater as one of nine children (with Nanny and Oupa as well) living in this small house in the rough side of Liverpool.

I even found the house! I won't say which number it was as i dont want you upsetting the nice people who live there now with your pilgrammages to the Mother of The Wah ;)

Today we had to say goodbye to MixMaster and we headed north again until we arrived safely in Glasgow at my sister's house.

Tomorrow we head out to Inverness for a highland christmas.

Best Wishes to you and yours this festive season. Be safe, be happy and be good.. or if you can't be good then be good at it. (Copyright Mika-Monster ;) )

Rome if you want to...

2006-12-20T08:35:00.000+10:00

Rome around the world...

ah... the comedy never ends with mis-spelling the B-52 lyrics. Girlclumsy sits behind me in the apartment we are currently staying at cursing me (politely but with venom) for pre-empting her gag title! a-ha!

aaaaanyhoo... Rome.. the eternal city... full of stuff... so much stuff. Ancient stuff, religious stuff, streets, shops and other stuff. We came here a few years ago and pushed ooooh so much into 6 days and still had so much more to see. This time we decided to not run ourselves ragged and just see the things we missed from before.. or we really really liked.

So yesterday (after be rescued from a highway SOMEWHERE in Rome but the man who owns the apartment we are staying in.. we really had no idea where we were or where we were meant to go to ... but Renato came and picked us up from the side of the road in his sexy green jaguar and gave us a tour of the local area... awww.. what a nice man) we headed out to the Colloseum (just walked around it as we have been in before and we are poooooooooor) and then the Roman forum (which i just love) and into the main city area to wander Via de Corso (where the shops are plentiful and expensive). We kept noticing places from Dan Brown,s "Angels and Demons" which imo is a better story than Da Vinci Code and was its precursor and had a little look inside of them... many churches and fountains and suchlike. It is amazing how the outside of a church can be quite dowdy and bland but inside is a riot of gold and woodwork and sculpture..im sure one of those churches could be sold off for billions and used to feed the poor and suchlike but what would a filthy atheist like me know about helping the masses : Had a wander past the Spanish Steps (it looks better by night than by day.. and there are less gyspies trying to sell you tat also) and more importantly went into the Pantheon... oh how i love this pagan temple cum basilica. Everytime i come here i feel 'something'. The age of the place is staggering and all the 'modern' trappings of the church cant hide the fact that this was and still is an ancient place of worship and mystery and general pagan sexiness. The 9m wide Occulus in the roof stares down on you and you know you are someplace special. Also Raphael's remains are in here so that is just a bonus for me! Onwards to throw coins into the Trevi fountain (we shall return!) and this time we were able to enter the church next to the fountain to see the place where the Pope's hearts are kept after they died.. but not the hearst themselves as they are hidden away...poo

Today we went to the staggeringly beautiful St Peter's (My big church is bigger than your big church) Basilica. I love the sense of space in this place.. and it has Michelangelo's Pieta as well... and i have come to really love that sculpture. IMO Michelangelo couldnt paint women to save his life (Sistine Chapel's women are rubbish... men with boobs) but by crikey could he sculpt them... and this Pieta is the best of the bunch and generally a gorgeous bit of artwork. We even went under the Basilica to see JPII's (John Paul the second for those easily offended) final resting place. It was very simple and white marble... which is better than most of the show off burial chambers the Popes used to have. Very similar to JP1 in fact... so well done JP2. Off to the Castel St Angelo which used to be the final resting place for Emperor Hadrien's ashes (the scottish wall guy) but has been a church, a fortress and a papal hidey hole in bad times (also a cracking backdrop for 'angels and demons').

Finally got to see the sculpture 'The Ecstasy of St Teresa' in Santa Maria Del Vittorio (or something similar). Great sculpture.. my new fourth fave after David and 'Rape of the Sabine Women' and Mike's Pieta. This chick basically had endless orgasms given to her by god and Bernini decided to make a sculpture of it.. nice! It is a great sculpture in all seriousness and worth hunting down when you come to Rome.

To top the day off we took a stroll along the Circus Maximus (next to the imprssive runs perched ontop of the Palantine Hill.. where Romulus and Remus were kept alive by the she-wolf) to see the 'Bocca della Verita'. The Mouth of Truth. It supposedly bites the hand off of any liars that place their digits within is marble maw but saaaaaadly my truthiness could not be verified as the place was closed and we could only stare at the marble ex-sewer cover.. shame ;)

2 days in Rome is never enough but we only came here this time as the flights were cheap and we had some time to kill before Liverpool.. which we will be in tomorrow

In the words of Girlclumsy 'Veni, Vidi, Visa' ... 'We Came, We Saw, We did a little shopping'

Wham! Pow! Krakow!

2006-12-15T07:32:00.000+10:00

Dzien dobry from Krakow (the cultural capital of Poland... probably the cultural capital as it was one of the few Polish cities not levelled by the Nazis and the Soviets in WW2). Ah Poland... the Parking Lot for german and russian tanks for most of last century... and before that is was used as a major highway and landgrab opportunity for every empire in the area..Prussia, Russia, Austria... even Sweden!

We jet back into Europe and the need to start wearing our fleeces is great as we enter 'official cold' time. Cold and windy.. a fantastic combination. The locals agree it is cold..ish.. but (and you have to thank global warming for this ;) ) they point out at this time of year it should be -15C not +5C! They are scratching their heads and waiting for winter to actually start. Our first day in the Main Square was enlivened with a re-enactment of the anti-communist government riots 25 years ago. Chanting protestors face off the army and it all seemed very real. We were reassured this was all for show by our local walking tour guide... and the reality was further tarnished later on when one of the protestors was broken away from the pack by 4 greenclad army guys who proceeded to beat the protestor with what looked like 14 inch long neon pink rubber dildoes. In the blink of the eye the performance had gone from being GI Joe to Julian Clary... and that amused me no end!

Krakow (and Poland) is steeped in history.. most of it bloody and most of the blood Polish. Being at the crossoroads of Europe they pretty much have had the tar kicked out of them since day dot. For a while they, linked with the then massive state of Lithuania, formed one of the biggest empires in Europe (Everyone gets their time in the sun in Europe history.. everything old is new again and everyone small will one day grow huge and start looking for those that pushed them around and have a 'chat'). Don't get my wrong, i do not believe that the Polish were innocent lambs who hurt nothing and no-one throughout history and I am sure they gave as good as they got... up to a point... and that point was 1795 when the entire country was devided up neatly into three easily digestible lumps and devoured by Austria, Prussia and Russia. They stopped existing as Poland completely until 1918! Holy Crap!

But then it was all smooth sailing until the present day, right? ... right?... um no.. not quite. Uncle Adolph came swanning over the hill and turned Poland into a lovely staging ground against the soviets a(who quickly grabbed as much as they could as well) and Poland stopped existing again. They were forced to be communists after that and have only recently been able to choose something different. You can imagine why they were rather distrustful of joining the E.U originally. But joined they have and I think the future will be brighter for poor battered Poland.

Today Girlclumsy and I went to Auschwitz - Birkenau, the largest and most infamous extermination camp in the world. Just outside of Krakow (nice of the nazis to not put something that nasty on their own soil) this place, i am sure, is synonymous with 'evil' in your mind and i am also sure you have seen the pictures. Piles of emaciated corpses, gas-chambers, execution walls, warehouses of dead people's possesions etc. I don't really want to go into too much detail about the day but the place was exactly as bad as you think it was... maybe worse. To be in a chamber where hundreds of thousands met a terrible chemical end was shocking. The clinical efficieny of the slaughter was terrifying and the number of people killed (1.1 million, 97% of them Jews who walked from off a train directly into a gas chamber) in this place is mind numbing. Visit this place...

For the rest of our time in Krakow we want to visit the world famous 'Wieliczka Salt Mine' and i have heard there are some really impressive pagan burial mounds somewhere nearby. Also there is 'Nowa Huta' (literally 'New Steel Mill'). This is a soviet style steel mill built for propanganda and not economic reasons. Brave sons and daughters of the state toiling for the state and being rewarded handsomely blah blah blah... the usual nonsense governments spout. Actually it is not just a mill but an entire satellite city built to house the workers etc.. and it sounds like something GC and I need to poke around.

The Moroccon and Spanish photos have been added to the many many online travel photos at http://photos.yahoo.com/argo13 .

Buboe Watch - The chance of buboes is small across The Wah this week. The already existing High Pressure Left Jaw Buboe front is diminishing and we expect the entire system to vanish by the weekend.

Last bit of news... It seems our little blogs have been noticed by people living in Fez! They left a comment on both our blogs and were very impressed with Girlclumsy's blog about the hammam. Have a look at 'View From Fez' and see our waxing international star!

Spontaneous Camden

2006-12-12T21:34:00.000+10:00

With only a few hours left in London I am looking over the buildings of Camden Town and seeing the top half of the London Eye the dome of St Paul's Cathedral and many other buildings that are instantly recognisable as London landmarks but as a filthy colonial i dont know their names. We have been staying with Deb and Tom from the Spontaneity Shop. Thees guys are professional improvisors.. ie they make their living doing Improvised theatre.. and only improvised theatre.. they dont have other jobs! In fact they even have an honest to god office and have hired two extra staff members! Bloody hell! Who says you cant make money out of impro?! We met them a few years ago when Deborah came to Brisbane and taught an impro class for us. It was really good to see how people in other countries do what you do especially in Brisbane where the impro gene-pool was (at the time) a little bit small and, frankly, stale. From then on we have kept in touch and everytime we come to London we like to meet up with Deborah and Tom and hang out.. and do impro workshops and have even done a few shows with them.. and we also have been lucky enough to stay in their lovely apartment in Camden. Sooo.. if you are ever in London and you want to some professional improvised theatre..or you want to learn from some of the best improvisors i have met then get along to a Spontaneity Shop show/workshop! (not that they need a plug from the likes of me :) )

Avenue Q was brilliant. With such inspired songs as 'Everyone is a little bit racist sometimes' and 'Shadenfreude' and the song made famous by internet geeks everywhere 'The Internet is for Porn'. It was funny and, quite unexpectedly, moving. It is amazing how connected you can become to a puppet.

Girlclumsy and I have had a relatively quiet time here in Camden. She has been in an impro show and done a workshop. I watched the impro show and didnt do the workshop because i havent been feeling the best... yes yes.. still run down and slightly icky. I decided it would be best to conserve my energy for Poland, Rome and a real honest-to-god scottish Hogmanay.

The weather here in London has been getting very cold overnight. I even wore my under-jacket for the first time two nights ago. It isnt the temperature that gets you but the bloody awful cold wind that seems to race down Camden Rd and right up my rain jacket.

Okay.. time for Buboe watch. The buboe under my right ear finally succumbed to my mutant healing factor and vanished (or maybe the alien young gestating there finally decided to leave home and get a job.. you decide which is more likely). That means it lasted for about a week and was a minor inconvenience. Unfortunately another one has developed on the left side, further down. Even for me that was getting beyond a joke, and i have been feeling run down and blechy for a few days, so (remembering all the golden positive experiences girlclumsy has had with the NHS EVERYTIME she has been sick over here.. and i do not mean that sarcastically, it has been good) i shlepped along to the soho walkin clinic to have my lump looked at. I was happy to be told that the wait would be 15 or so... and they kept their promise. Within 15 minutes i was seen by a nurse who... did nothing.. nothing at all. She merely went through all the details i had already written down on the entrance form and proceeded to tell me i would have to wait AT LEAST 2 hours for a another nurse who would try and see what the problem was but would probably not be able to administer anything useful (not being a doctor, i was told) and i would be referred to a doctor at a hospital not that nearby and god only knows how long i would have wait for her/him... So with a smile and a happy cry of 'Bollocks' i left that place never to return. Yes, i know i am ill, but it hasnt killed me yet and i keep hoping it is mumps related and will steralise me... Now, before Mater threatens me again with all sorts of horror :) i am not very ill, i promise. The new buboe is diminishing in size and my only other symptoms are a generallack of energy which she would remember from when i lived at home and she wanted me to vacuum the house :)

All in all we are well(ish) and ready to tackle the crazy party history town of Krakow!

Excelsior!

London's Calling...

2006-12-09T04:20:00.000+10:00

at the top of the dial...

Greetings from the arguably the world's most urban city.

Getting here from Madrid was a bit of trial. They found 4 extra bags in our flight they couldnt account for so they emptied the plane's hold onto the tarmac! They still couldnt work out which were the wrong bags so they had us all (in groups of 5.. according to spanish law it had to be in fives) troop out of the plane and point our our bags which they then put back in the hold. After 2 hours of messing around on the tarmac they realised they DIDNT have any extra bags and it had been a screw up of the baggage handlers... wheee! I was surprisingly zen about the whole situation.. though it was probably the lump on my head keeping me calm so i didnt disturb the alien young gestating in my head :)

The lump seems to be going away all its own, btw. So i dont want to aggravate by letting some quack doctor get near it. If he/she starts prodding the buboe then the alien queen might take offence and reduce our planet to slag.. see.. im thinking about all of you!

But arrive we did in london. I have always had a love/hate relationship with london. It is an amazing place to wander and discover but after a while i get very fed up with the filthy locals and filthy tourists and every filthy person in the middle... but maybe that's just me :)

We traipsed into the centre of the city lugging our backpacks and the first thing i noticed was that i couldnt hear anyone speaking english... on the train.. in Picadilly or even in our hostel! and even more weirdly it was all spanish! It took us a whole to work out that many spanish people use their 5 day long weekend to fly over to london and have a holiday here... So i am very glad i didnt go out of my way to annoy the spaniards in Madrid as they all seem to have come over here!

We are staying in a backpackers right in the city of Picadilly... just off Pic Circus. It is... okay. That is all i will say about it. Maybe i am getting old but it seems to be filled with uppity, fashion victim, euro-trash teenagers. All glitz, glamour and little to know substance (or brain cells) between them... (and they play their music too loud ;) )

Last night i dragged the poor suffering girlclumsy to Spamalot. Yep.. of all the culture and theatre we could go and see i wanted to see the Monty Python musical! We got pretty good tickets for cheap and it was a thoroughly enjoyable evening. I have always liked monty python but i will only quote the skits loudly at a party if i am sure i can really annoy someone by doing it. ;) I realised i wasnt the biggest geek fan there as many of the crowd broke into spontaneous song during the performance. Tim Curry plays King Arthur and to be honest he seemed a little tired and bored but after doing the same show for months every day he probably finds it hard to do it fresh and exciting. Most of the other cast members did a bang up job... my faves were Lancelot (he likes to Dance-a-lot) and Dennis Galahad (Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government!). Al your fave bits from the movie are there... the vorpal rabbit, Tim the enchanter, the monks, 'bring out your dead', the knights of Ni'... all there... If you like Monty Python and you like kitsch then you would like Spamalot.. i did

Tonight we are off to see Avenue Q... We have been told it is very funny. It is a musical comedy involving humand and puppet.. 'The Sesame Street you needed when you turned 18'

Im sure we will get to see some 'legit' theatre someday ;)

Oh yes.. we went to the Tate Modern on the banks of the Thames. I really enjoyed learning about the surrealism movement. (i am now a big fan of Francis Bacon.. the 20th Century painter.. not the other one) (and also Yves Tanguy... nice!)

but we enjoyed more the installations that let you slide down big slides from the 5th floor... heheh. You have to love art that lets you slide through a art gallery!

It has been an interesting few days to say the least!

Me llamo Bond, James Bond

2006-12-05T20:56:00.000+10:00

Hola from Madrid...

Iy has been a lightning few days traveling right across the province of andulusia. We have now came north into Castilla La Mancha.

They are obsessed with Don Quixote here.. you see his picture everywhere. Astride his skinny horse with his tubby page Sancho by his side... tilting at windmills and all that.

Toledo was really cool. As you drive into the city you see the old walled city protected by a river on three sides and a bloody steep hill on the other side. The perfect place to build a city of you are worried about invaders of all creeds and religions coming to steal your stuff. Of course toledo is famous for its steel and swords so that might be another reason to think twice about trying to take the city. The city is full of sword shops and i was sorely tempted to buy many of them but ince again price and bag space reared it´s ugly head. We managed to find a pension for only 20 euro deep in the winding streets of the old city and even found free parking as well.. SCORE! It is gratifying to see these beautiful old cities have managed to enter the modern era with their olde worlde charme still intact.

leaving early in the morning we fought the traffic for 1 1/2 hours into madrid and after a many twists, turns and backtracks (not to mention paying for a parking we didnt even use) we managed to drop off the car, Vin Diesel... who had been renamed Shakira because she was spanish and her backend shook alot. let me tell you that diesel is great! 750-800km on a tank of diesel for slightly less than petrol! woot! diesel cars are now Wah Favourites...

Madrid is a beautiful city designed for girlclumsy and i. it gets up late and stays up to the wee hours. Shops stay open around xmas till after 10pm and the streets are lit with chrissy lights all over the place. you can still have a coffee or beer sitty on the streets.. it is a little cold but not to bad. we have only just arrived yesterday and have spent the morning doing washing but the afetrnoon is for exploring.

Went and saw Casino Royale last night in an english cinema

It is great! soooo good. The best Bond film ever.. seriously. Daniel Craig´s Bond is a true assassin. He is closer to Ian Fleming´s Bond than anybody else and he is possibly the best Bond ever.. yes even better than Connery.

Pater, i think you will like this Bond film. Less messing around and more getting the job done! He is a hard hard James Bond. There is one part in the film where he snatches victory from the jaws of defeat and smiles so coldly at his vanquished foe it gave me chills... go see Casino Royale

In other news I seem to have contracted some exciting mystery illness. I have a largish lump below my right ear that is quite visible... it seems to be too high to be lymph nodes and it doesnt hurt to move my jaw.. in fact it doesnt hurt at all. The only time it causes discomfort is when i eat. The mechanical action of chewing doesnt hurt at all but having the food in my mouth seems to aggravate the swelling... so maybe something saliva gland related. I also have little red welts on my left hand. I thought they were mossie bites from Morocco but they have been around for too long now. I have also been quite tired and run down but 4 months on the road can do that, im sure :) If it doesnt go away by the time we reach englad i am going to go to a doctor. I am hoping it Bubonic plague as i can add it to the list of nasty diseases i have caught and never knew i had.. ah Ross River Virus and Glandular Fever where is thy sting? Maybe it is Bird Flu?? coooool (yep.. i count taunting deadly diseases and dieties as two of my favourite pastimes)

better fly! Madrid awaits!

P.s Big props to our Morocco tour leader Craig and the rest of the tour for making Morocco such an exciting time

¿OLE?

2006-11-30T07:52:00.000+10:00

OLE!

Hola from Seville,

Before anything else give a big hand for QWERTY keyboards! The arabic/french AERTY keybards where really doing my head in.ç

After crashing ashore in Terfia we have made our way by car (a little 1.7L diesel 4 door we have started calling 'Vin') to Alegciras (which is ´green hills´ in arabic... but is the greyest dirtiest city we have seen yet) and even spent half a day in Gibraltar... oh wow.. Gib is great. It is an enclave out british interests on the shore of Spain and has so much history you need a mighty big stick to pke at it. We really didnt put enough time aside to see it and we have added it to our ever growing list of ´Places we MUST return to´. Go to Gib.. go now.. stop whatever you are doing and go! now... stop reading this and go...

We reentered spain through ´the frontier´and headed off to Cadiz. Walked around the beautiful (looked like Brighton) town and had a look at a series of ruins that stretch back to Pheonician and Punic and Roman and then up through time.... i was in heaven

We ended up this evening in Seville after a hair raising map-less drive through tiny tiny seville streets looking for a hotel.. or at the very least a rad we could drive down without smearing pedestrians on our paintwork.

Finally (after losing my cool just a tad... hehehe.. Girlclumsy is a saint) we found a cut little pension and wandered into the streets just in time to see a live traditional flamenco dance/sing/guitar extravaganza. wow.. wow wow wow. It is amazing to see the power and precision of these dancers. They are so skilled it their art and it is so different to the usual singing/dancing style the average westernere is used to. I think the time i have spent in Morocco has rubbed off as i could hear a definite arabic influence on the ´wailing´singing style of flamenco. All those wars back and forth must have had SOME knock on effect in the arts.

Tomorrow we spend more time in Seville and then onto Cordoba.

This is a lightning tour of Spain.. but it leaves more places to add to ´The List´.

One Hundred Camels

2006-11-25T04:47:00.000+10:00

Greetings once again from Marrakech,

As I write this the final night party of the Intrepid tour is going great guns at the Hotel Ali.

It has been a fantastic three weeks and i urge anyone that wants to go somewhere 'different' to think long and hard about Morocco.

But the adventure doesnt end here... oh no!

We are off to Spain, then London, then Poland, then Italy, then Liverpool and finally back to to Glasgow for a big Ceilidh and an even bigger piss up.

Four Months in and the adventure is just getting started!

In other news, i was offered 100 camels for Girlclumsy today in the old slavetrading area of the Marrakech Medina. they were trading in people up til the early 20th Century... fun!

I could really do with 100 camels...

The Mighty Quinn

2006-11-21T23:11:00.000+10:00

Three years ago on the 24th of November my nephew The Mighty Quinn was born.

Happy Birthday Quinn from your Unky Wah!

Hendrix Vs The Wah

2006-11-21T05:58:00.000+10:00

Greetings from Essaouira

It has been a busy few days since last i blogged.

We travelled north to Tangiers via local bus and spent a few days in the old International City of the world. Before 1956 if you were a bad boy or girl in your home country and had the money to flee the establishment it is likely you would have made your way to Tangiers to continue partaking in the naughty lifestyle you loved so much... be it sex, drugs, antiestablishment writings or a heady combination of all three. Many writers, criminals, musicians, tax evaders and so flocked to Tangiers over the decades from all over the world. This has created a city with Arabic, Berbere, Portuguese, Spanish and english influences. Wacky architecture ahoy! Arabic and French are still the main languages but they many people still speak Spanish as Spain is very visible across the Mediterreanean. You can say thankyou in 5 different languages and still be understood! All the crazy lawbreaking came to an abrupt halt in 1956 when Morocco gained its independence and kicked out the world's riff-raff. This made Tangiers are safer, quieter place but i am assured it also lost something else as well. The new King Mohammed VI (in power since 1999) has tried to spruce Tangiers up a little and has had the old seaside shanty town along the main beach bulldozed. This has led to a seaside walking/shopping strip which is eeriely reminiscent of the Gold Coast! It is a pretty place to walk even if it doesnt have a very 'moroccon' feel to it.

Fun Facts With Dr Wah! - Mandarins used to be (and still are) grown buy the metric truckload in Tangiers and shipped into Spain. This led to Mandarins to be called Tangerines...

We took an overnight train from Tangiers back to Marrakech but we didnt stay. We hired a Grande Taxi and drove the 1 1/2 hours out to Imlil with our daredevil drivers. The drive itslef was an experience as you rocket along at 90km on tiny mountainous roads with trucks coming the other direction... and there are no seatbelts.

Imlil is a wee town in the High Atlas mountains famous for... well nada. But it is a great place to sit back and relax and enjoy the majestic views of Jbel Toubkal, the highest mountain in Morocco and in north africa. It is also a great place to go hiking... and hike I did! Our guide took us up a mountain pass early one morning. It was a good blood-pumping walk and we all reached the top of the pass in about 1 1/2 hours. To get back we had to walk the way we came ooooooooor, as suggested by the guide, walk a different way riiiiiight round the mountain. Of the original 10 who went up the pass 4 of the hardier males (yes yes, including me) went with the guide. wow.... it was some hike! It took about 4 hours at a blistering (and i mean that literally!)pace down the mountain, through some beautiful valley villages (where one nice man gave us mint tea and bread), across the river (stones bridges with holes in them are scary), and back up up up uuuuuuuuup the next mountain. Let me assure you, gentle reader, that the ascent was a total bastard. It was a tiny track at a serious inclination and if you made a mistake it would be a long time to wait for the rain to wash you off the rocks so far below. Every time you thought you had made it to the summit you would see the track stretch off ahead of you up the next bit of the mountain! This happened 4 times! Finally we made it to the top and had the knee jarring experience of half jogging down the rocky switchbacks of the downwards journey. Finally we made it to the bottom where we had a rest in the village once frequented by Hilary Clinton ( i have no idea why she was there) and had the frustrating experience of not being able to cross the river! I managed to frog leap across rocks to get to the other side... huzzah for all those wasted hours playing Frogger! We had a 2-3km walk back up the road to Imlil but a man with a ute kindly let us hitchhike. We entered the town like kings, waving at the populace and basically acting like a bunch of men who have conquered a big nasty mountain. It is nice to know that in Morocco there is a mountain that will be forever my bitch!

The next day my legs were like jelly and my knees really ached... but still... i bitch-slapped that mountain!

We have taken a local bus to the old port town of Essaouira. This used to be a very important port before Cassablanca was built. The romans used to make purple dye here and Jimi Hendrix wrote 'Purple Haze' and 'Castles in the Sand' here. There is a half destroyed portuguese castle sitting in the ocean just off the main beach and every second local man sidles up to you and wants to sell you Hashish... no prizes to see how Hendrix came up with his songs ;)

We are here for a few days before we head back to Marakech and then back to Tangiers so we can get into Spain...

But that is the future and as our guide says 'Your time here isn't over yet!'

Cleanliness or Assault?

2006-11-15T03:54:00.000+10:00

If you have read girlclumsy`s latest post you would have been surprised by a tale that seems to be ripped from the script of a softcore porno... all soapy female chests and airline stewardesses!

If you haven,t read it then have a look now... off you go... titillation and suggestive prose awaits!

Okay.. you`re back? such filth, hey? ;)

Well, gentle reader, let me enlighten you on what was happening on the other side of the wall in the male Hamman.

On the plus side i didnt have to go alone... 5 males of the intrepid tour braved the cleansing... of our bodies but not our souls!

Firstly we qre told to strip down to our underwear... no swimmers allowed. I unfortunately was wearing, for the first time, a pair of white yfronts. We all know what happens at a wet tshirt costume when the ladies wear white? Thank god these pair were thick and new.
We are lead into a white tiled room full of naked or semi naked men and told to sit.

No sooner had my buttocks hit the warm tiles i was drenched in hot water by lanky, wiry, septugenarian wielding a huge bucket.

He kneels next to me as i splutter and choke and rolls me onto my front. "what, no flowers, no dinner" i think as he starts pumelling, stretching and roughly kneading every limb and muscle group. He twists my knee and pulls on my elbow and i really think this guy would give Triple H a run for his money in a Cage Wrestling Match. He then slaps my thigh very hard. This is my cue to roll over and let him start again on my front. I dont know whether to laugh or cry so i kinda do both.

Then i get drenched again... i think he does this to keep me off guard and choke me so i cant get enough oxygen to escape.

He grabs a loofah and soap and proceeds to exfoliate 25 layers of skin and implant soap shards deep into my fat tissues.

He even bruised my hair when he washed it

Finally he drowned me again with his herculean bucket and then smiled at me as if we were best friends. I was too scared to do anything but smile back, or maybe Stockholm Syndrome had set in...i even tipped him 5 Dirhams for the assault!

All up, counting tip, this grievous bodily harm cost me 55 Dirhams (about 9 AUD)... and i didnt get to see any perky maroccon stewardess booby either! The only thing to cheer me up was the fact that 2 of the other guys from the tour had it tougher than me. They were twisted into pretzel shapes and had their spines bent backwards nearly double! ha! that will teach them to be small underweight metrosexuals!

all in all it was an experience... but so is being mugged.

The funny thing is I am planning on doing it all again later in the trip but pay MORE for it. I hear they will butter me with oils and cover me in mud for my sins. So if you dont hear from me then i will be found in a million years by aliens buried deep in maroccon mud.

Wah of the Sahara

2006-11-13T07:18:00.000+10:00

Salaam!
Greetings from Fes, the intellectual, spiritual and artistic capital of Morocco (but not the ACTUAL capital... that would be Rabat)

The last few days have been an adventure with a capital A! The old saying when it rains it pours applies doubly to Morocco. This is a country that is the western most part of the Sahara (Sahara means Desert in the local tongue... like the Gobi... pretty cluey these local peoples) and is in africa and is NORMALLY pretty damn dry... of course when we come the heavens split open and dump a years worth of water on us. The flooding has been incredible in the centre and south of the country. We started our Intrepid Tour easily enough but when we started taking local buses to out of the way places (ie off the 5 tarmacced roads in Morocco) everything went pearshaped. Every bridge was washed away and every river ford was under over a metre of water! what should have taken 4 hours took 11... but fortune favours the stupid and we finally made it to the sahara. We couldnt camp in the desert due to the flooding (yep flooding IN the desert... i never knew the sahara would be filled by many massive foot deep lakes) so we had to stay in the new mud brick hotel. This didnt make me feel any better as the old mudbrick hotel had been WASHED AWAY 6 weeks ago and its soggy and sad remains could be seen sticking out of the latest paddling lake in the sahara. But sunrise over the sahara is an amazing sight and it is made that little more exciting when you realise that 50km away the soldiers of Algeria are armed and angry and watching you with binoculers :)

The Intrepid trip has been very fun and exciting. we have been using local transport and pretty much slumming it in accomodation that has barely made it to the 20th Century let alone the 21st. You are happy with a bed and amazed with magical electricity and hot showers. But all this is unimportant when compared with the sense assaulting sights of tanneries (mmm pigeon poo AND horse urine... yes please!), 10000 winding streets in a medieval medina and Girlclumsy sucking mightily on a arabic hookah pipe (apple flavoured tobacco... thats all!).

Fes has the best medina yet. 10000 streets, some so small you have to turn sideways to fit, filled to the brim with carpet makers, tanners, cloth weavers, herbalists (45-spice is your friiiiiiiend... and my signature scent is now Mhyrr. If it is good enough for the baby jesus it is good enough for me), food stalls, banzai donkeys, mosques, beggers, fruit sellers, chicken killers (you ask for THAT chicken and they cut its throat in front of you... you know it is fresh), camel meat grinders ( no, they dont kill them in front of you... as far as i have seen) and a myriad other things to see, do, duck and savour. we have also gone out to Meknes whixh was the capital for a 17th warlord called Moulay Ismail.. fun guy who used a massive black african army to slaughter his rivals and create the moroccon state. Nearby was the ancient roman city of Volubis... those romans went everywhere and sent a shiteload of olive oil back to rome from morocco.

All in all it has been an amazing week and we have two more left! the rain has stopped finally and the african sun is blasting down and the flood waters are vanishing nearly as far as they appeared.... crazy country. Some nights i lie in bed and just try and quantify everything thing i have seen that day... try and get a handle on the strangness of it all. Then you realise you just gota roll with it and let it take you where it will.

All good!

Best wishes to you all

Funky warm Medina

2006-11-06T08:52:00.000+10:00

Greetings from Marakech, the tourist capital of Morocco. Girlclumsy and I touched down yesterday and have been thrown headfirst into a strange and fascinating place. The Djemaa Al-Fna (Assembly of the Dead) is the nerve centre of the Medina (a medina is the old walled section of the city). It is chock full of stores and winding narrow streets and death-racing donkeys and pugilists and acrobats and orangejuice sellers and snake-charmers (though i think they should be called snake-annoyers as they spend their time kicking the cobra in the face... after de-fanging them of course) and many many foodstores.... in fact the souks (winding streets) are one part marketplace, one part outdoor eatery and one part circus. Once you get past the initial HOLY SHITE factor you can really have a blast. Girlclumsy has been restrained in the buying of stuff but she is in seventh heaven here.

They are cunning sellers here.... they separated us in a shop by showing GC some handmade perfumes and me LIVE CHAMELEONS!!! what chance did i have!?

The city is a friendly helpful place and we havent felt in danger at all, though the guy just left the computer next to me has left his screen displaying a big piccie of Osama Bin Laden! i, sure it is a very innocent and whatnot ;)

If you want a taste of something different then Marakech is a place to go to... and i have no doubt the rest of the trip will be the same.

Daleks and Beer

2006-11-03T10:58:00.000+10:00

As of time of writing the new BBC show 'Torchwood' has aired three episodes.

What is Torchwood? It is the spin off show of the hugely popular revamp of Doctor Who (which has finished two series already). Set in Cardiff, it follows a team of investigators as they track down alien technology that has fallen to earth. It is linked to its parent show but the two programmes follow very different tracks.

Torchwood stars the character Captain Jack Harkness.. the omnisexual all-round-cool-guy from the first series of the new Dr Who. It is a much more adult show than Dr Who with swearing, quite graphic sex scenes and blood.. quite a bit fo blood in some places. It is also quite unrelentingly dark. This is not a family romp like the good Doctor.. oh no.. this show can be quite.. well.. if not confronting then at least alarming.

I am still of two minds about this show. It has taken me a while to get used to the fact that it isnt Doctor Who and i can see it has promise as an adult sci-fi show. Some scenes really shine but other moments are plain cringe-worthy. Captain Jack is still an excellent character with such great lines as 'Contraceptives in the rain, ya gotta love this planet'. As a sidekick he was amazing in Dr Who and he has potential to be brilliant as the main character of Torchwood but has been lumbered with some stilted dialogue and exposition.. it is always hard to be the cool guy if you have to explain to the audience what the hell is going on all the time.

Next week seems to star the Cyberman but i won't be able to watch it! The horror!

So when you can have a squiz at Torchwood and make up your own mind.

In more personal news we are off to Morocco tomorrow... and I have bought a 12" remote control talking dalek.. life is good!

From Loch to Lock to Loch

2006-10-29T04:24:00.000+10:00

Greetings all,

I am back at my sister's (and new brother-in-law's) house in Glasgow.

Spent the last couple of days with Girlclumsy's family on a boat cruising different scottish lochs and over half of the Caledonian Canal.

It was a rather relaxed time and im glad we had the opportunity to do it.

I managed to live out one of my childhood dreams by navigating the different Locks between the canals. I have been interested in locks for a while and seeing these Locks seperated Lochs that just made it a whole lot more interesting!

The canals were created in the early 1800s and even today they would be considered a major engineering feat.

I can also tick off another Wah-MileStone... i jumped off our boat into Loch Ness. It was a very cold and windy autumn morning but the Loch was relatively still. I jumped staright in... and then swam straight back to the boat and climbed out as it was bloody freezing! It felt like i had been kicked in the groin; it was THAT cold! I made a joke that the water was fine and was taunted by Girlclumsy's uncle that maybe i would like to go back in..... so i did.... oh gods it was cold!

Thank goodness for me i had purchased a bottle of 'Black Bottle' Scotch. After a few slugs i was warm warm warm! :)

Girlclumy's brother, father and uncle (actually he is her great uncle but hates to be reminded how old he is) are all seamen and had great fun running the boat whilst the women (and I.. i became an honourary woman) sat back and enjoyed the scenary... so it worked well for us all ;)

We are in Glasgow for a few days and then we are off to Brussels to have a squiz at the ... capital.. i suppose you could call it... of the European Union... and then onto Morocco

wow.. Morocco looming already.

My parentals have winged their way back to Australia after Paris and made it home safely. Of course the airlines have lost BOTH their bags. This is a disaster for them and an equal disaster for us. We had given Mater and Pater all the souvenirs we had collected since China! All gone... if the bags can not be located. We had kept all the souvenirs to a minimum but the ones we bought meant a lot to us... ah well.

I was asked if i was missing home and i have to be honest and say 'No'.

Sometimes i get tired and grumpy but even at my lowest ebb i realise that i am tired and grumpy in Scotland and that is better than being happiness and light at home anyday :)

Best wishes to you all

More than One Night In Paris

2006-10-22T23:27:00.000+10:00

eeew... the title even makes me a little nauseous!

First things first... I qm using a french azerty keyboard. They have all the letters in the 'wrong' position and so my usually bad touchtyping skills are now awful beyond belief!

This is my second time in the french capital and it seems to be even more expensive this time around.

Girlclumsy and i hqve been in the City Of Lights for a few days. This time around we are with her parents and her brother, simon (the oversexed lad fron the estonia entries ;) ). As fate would have it my parents have turned up here as well and we are all in two hotels side by side.... and no, it isnt as bad as it sounds ;)

The usual touristy stuff has been done... The Eiffel Tower, The Louvre, Notre Dame, Musee D,Orsay (ya gotta love that Rodin!) but ,y fqvourite sight seeing was into the catacombs to see the boney remains of 16 million parisians all buried under the streets of Paris.... oooooh yeah! pictures will be forth coming! drians and dead people... thats me!

GC and her brother dragged me along to EuroDisney and i had.... a really good time! surprisingly! i have even conquered my fear of roller coasters and went on the SpaceMountain rollercoaster twice... upside down in the dark... like birth but more scary

It has been wonderful to see Paris again...always good to retrace past visits

better fly, time is running out

Onward to Loch Ness...

You take the High-road and i'll take the cliche...

2006-10-18T01:38:00.000+10:00

Greetings all,

It has been a long time since I have written anything travel related from the Wonderful World of Wah.

We have been in Scotland for about 2 weeks. It must be obvious from my total lack of blogging basically nothing has happened since I have been here... nothing at all.. nada, bupkiss, zero, zilch, squat, diddly, a big duck egg...

Well... nothing except my sister's wedding...

Yep.. the girl known to me as Deborah Jane Rowbotham for 32 years is now Deborah Jane Walker nee Rowbotham. Married off to a lovely scottish man named Eoghann (pronounced Ewan for the Hard-Of-Gaelic).
Eoghann (and his family) is great. Funny, generous, kind hearted and able to put up with the entire Rowbotham Tribe (sans Jack, Adam and their two sprog) camping bedouin-style on his living room floor (and abusing the living jebus out of his oh-so-fast broadband connection.. mmm City of Heroes.. yummy). This means that from now on if you mess with me you mess with the entire Walker clan... and they are scottish! a-ha! ...

But I am jumping ahead of my self... the weekend before Deb and Eog were married I was invited to Eoghann's Stag Weekend. We all piled into a 14 person bus and hit the Scottish Island of Islay (pronounced I-la.. the Isle of Islay... they drink a lot of whiskey here). I knew this was going to be a long weekend when it was explained to me that the weekend would consist of traveling to 7 Scottish Whiskey Distilleries and partaking of as much 'Water of Life'.

Oooo boy.. what a weekend.. Let me tell you what happened..

It all started when Eog****************************************************. (These stories have beed erased in accordance with the rules of 'What Happened On The Stag Weekend Stays On The Stag Weekend')

Hmm seems that contract i signed in blood before the stag weekend really works! Aaaaanyhoo we all had a ball of a time (My father also came along and I am allowed to say plays a mean game of poker.. and takes no pity on drunken people). Scottish and Irish people are great to have a stag weekend with. I advise everyone that is thinking about having a stag party/weekend to hire Rent-A-Gaelic.

Oooh.. if you are interested in Whiskey Production than have a look at the Bruichladdich Distillery website.. they even have live webcams! Keep an eye out for the whiskey they call WMD (Whiskey of Mass Destruction) and WMD2 - Yellow Submarine. The names of these two whiskeys have an interesting origin.. i cant say much now due to time constrainst but it has connection with an american spy agency and the fact that whiskey stills look alot like chemical warfare vats.. supposedly.

Girlclumsy and I have also visited the Falkirk Wheel. This is an amazing bit of engineering. Everybody knows how impressed I am about 2000-5000 year old drains and suchlike.. well I have found a piece of modern engineering that has a sense of whimsical grandeur. It looks like something out of Alan Moore's League of ExtraOrdinary Gentleman. The Wheel is a device that lifts canal boats (and lowers them as well) 35 metres between two different height canals... and if that doesnt get your heart pumping then you just cant hang with the Wah-Dawg :)

So, as i said before my sister was married on the weekend. She looked very beautiful in her dress. My mother had a fantastic hand made hat. It was created in Australia and carried half way round the world to be the Hat of Honour at the wedding :)It was a fantastic, fun ceremony held at Eoghann's parent's house. Called The Croft it is situated near the town 'Muir of Ord' in the scottish highlands. It was a non-religious ceremony (huzzah!) where the good times rolled well into the night. I even wore a kilt! oooh yes sports-fans.. the Wah was covered in kilty goodness! I was in a dress, carrying a knife in my sock (it is called a Sgian Dubh prounced 'Ski-An Do'.. well close enough) and ready to party! And party we did! I love a national dress that requires you to wear a knife. Nobody was stabbed that night but i think that was mainly to do with everybody being exhausted from the traditional scottish dancing and the free flowing alchomohol. Big Props (I am such a white geek) to Geoff and Helen. They are Eoghann's parents and did an amazing job with the food preperation and house set-up. I was especially impressed with the Australian Bar they created in their garage to make us feel at home. I have never seen so many cork-hats and plastic crocodiles in one place! I met the Irish author Evelyn Conlon. She and her talented husband Finton (he plays the flute professionally) were guests at the wedding. She even gave me a signed copy of her last book (here i come EBay!.. no no.. i jest). Her next book is about Irish people coming to Australia during the Irish Potato Famine. I hope that when i return to Australia next year I can organise for her to do some readings from her new book at the Brisbane City Council Libraries!

All in all a very successful wedding and reception. It was a shame my elder sister Jacky, her husband Adam and their two children, Quinn and Perri, couldn't attend but they were remembered and missed during the ceremony (There are many many pictures and videos for them as well)

Tomorrow we are off to Paris for a few days. We shall be meeting up with Girlclumsy's parents and my parents as well.. seeing that my parents only left at midday today i am not missing them that much :)

After Paris we come back to Scotland and cruise around Loch Ness for a while.. then.. well then we have a week or so to do something before we head off to Morocco.

I'll try and keep in touch more often than once every two weeks :)

P.s Best of Luck to 'Nightwatch' at the Brisbane Arts Theatre. It opens... soon. If you like Terry Pratchett novels and you live in Brisbane Australia then make the time to support a local theatre company!

More from the Cephalo-Hominid War

2006-10-18T01:06:00.000+10:00

Alerting all CLF members...

More photos from the front (and one from the side as well... but they are never as flattering)

As you can see the squid invasion is becoming more insidious. The photo to the left clearly shows a oddly attractive human-cephalopod hybrid trying to lure male humans to their DOOOOOOOOM. To make it worse she seems to be working for a company called KocMoc... how dare they mock our genitalia! huh!

I have good news! When scoping out Inverness I came across a most unlikely ally in the war against the Squids...

You might have seen her work in Predator 1 and Predator 2... you might even have seen the other movie Aliens Vs Predator... You know her as Predator but I have been informed that actually she is the daughter of the Loch Ness Monster! Ah Ha! As everybody knows the Loch Ness Monster is a Pleisosaur that survived the end of all the other dinosaurs. When most people dont know is that the old girl has had a few children and some of them, including Ms Predator, have had semi-successful careers! Even better I have been assured that the Loch Ness Monster hates SQUIDS!

Yes!

Even though Nessie herself cant make an appearance due to being a 30 ft dinosaur hiding in a Scottish Loch her daughter (a delightful conversationalist, i might add) has added her support to the CLF!

FIGHT THE SQUID!

GregR
SquidFinder General

SquidFinder General Reporting!

2006-10-12T04:51:00.000+10:00

Greetings Squids!

I finally have proof of the Cephalopod Invasion! All members of the CRF (Calamari Resistance Front) and even the RFC (Resistance Front against Calamari.. splitters!) are ordered to stop whatever they are doing and pay attention to this report... many Bothans died getting us this information.

Seen above is the SAS (Squid Airborne Squad) practising their tightrope skills! They didn't realise that the Squidfinder General was so close and had a camera! This photo was taken on the greek island of Mykonos only a fortnight or so ago. These squid soldiers can be clearly seen rappeling down the mainstay of a boat ready to drop onto the deck and overpower the sailors on board. If it wasn't for my excellent hungry whale call impersonation (squids and whales are mortal enemies!) then the crew of the Good Ship Zorba would have been Squid Food!

To the right is the most disturbing photo of all!
The squids have already started infiltrating our numbers. They have taken human names, human women and started shore-line cafes on the greek island of Santorini! Blatantly taking photos of themselves and using it in their advertising campaigns! (Note - Evil Squid Cafe-Lord is on the left... Heroic SquidFinder General is on the right)

Squidy is becoming more and more bold!

We must maintain the never-ending vigil!

FIGHT THE SQUID!

The Wah
SquidFinder General

P.s We have dumped all the photos from the trip so far here at THIS address. They have no captions and are in very rough chronological order. But feel free to troll through the madness

I remember the old school yard

2006-10-03T07:08:00.000+10:00

This is not a travel blog...

A couple of days ago a girl from the high school I graduated from contacted my parents and told them that our school was holding a 15 year reunion.

As it is held in mid-October in brisbane I definitely won't be going... but how do i feel about this?

I have been mulling it over and i dont think i would have gone anyway... why? It was 15 years ago the last time i was at that school. It was an okay school and my fellow students were basically decent people, but I havent kept in contact with any of them... not one. This means to me that I didnt really care that deeply about any of them.

We had our moment together and then we went our separate ways in the world.

I am sure that some have done 'better' than me and others have done 'worse' than me. I assume we are all a little fatter and most of them would have children, jobs and the usual. You have traveled, loved, worked and lost. You have experienced joy and pain and everything in between.

The person I was in that school has very little connection to the person I am now. The seeds of The Wah were in that boy but the man I am today was shaped by forces outside of school over many years.

If you treated me well at school then I wish you well in your life.

If you treated me poorly at school then I still wish you well in your life.

So, fifteen years on, this is my reunion. This is where I say what I would say to you at the reunion.

This is where I finally bury that chapter of my life.

Best Wishes to you all

Colaboard OverBottle!

2006-09-28T21:10:00.001+10:00

And if you understand the name of this post then you must be none other than "Mix Master" Mike F! Howdy boy.. all is good in the Wah Hood!

Greetings to the rest of you... special mention to Taryne... the chef I met at Santorini on my birthday!

If you are interested in hearing my birthday audio blog then jump on over to girlclumsy's site and look for the one labelled "Birthday Blog"

Wow.. Greek Islands... wow.. Mykonos, Paros, Ios and Santorini. Each island different to the last.

Mykonos is the touristy island with much tourist tack to look at.. and it was a full time job holding back girlclumsy ;). It also has fabulous resorts to stay in (with prices to match).. much swimming and surf-skiing to be done. The main town had windmills and churched and crazy streets used to stop pirates in the past

Paros is the quiet island with large hills to climb (at the top a monastry!). The rooms we stayed in were a little crap but Mix Master Mike aided ventilation by punching a hole right through the front door.. shine on you crazy scouser diamond! There were also cheap eats to be had here. I now eat tomato! But i prefer it to be drowned in Tzatziki sauce. We wandered the crazy lanes (also anti pirates) and found all sorts of weird and wonderful shops.... and found another EVEN BETTER shop that sold the hallowed ONE EURO GYROS! sweet! any day you can buy a vege-kebab for 1 Euro is a good day indeed.

Ios is the party island... cheap rooms (that were beautiful) and cheap food, free entry into the night clubs and cheap cheap drinks.. $3 for two cocktails and a peach shnapped shooter... good gods I was absolutely leathered by the end of that night! I even had a flaming Lamborgini.. this is a cocktail that is basically on fire. And dont forget the lay-backs we all did.. including girlclumsy. We had to walk home in the dark down a 'goat track'.. Im sure goats can handle such a vertical walk but i doubt they can do it utterly rat-arsed and singing Bohemian Rhapsody! We went out again the next night but i only had a couple of drinks (due to money being tight.. somehow i seemed give all mine to the bartender the night before).. i am glad we only had a few drinks as a tornado hit Ios and flooded the town.. and the town is ON TOP of a bloody greta hill. Mike, Girlclumsy and myself were running through white streets that looked like waterfalls in the driving rain looking for the rest of the tour who had gone to a different pub (we went to the one with the cheapest drinks... always trust a Liverpudlian to sniff out cheap drinks). On the way to the next bar the power went out and so we were stuck, in the dark, by ourselves, in a tornado.. FUN! We hit the bar drowned like rats and giggling like schoolgirls.. all good! When we got back to the reosrt we discovered it had been destroyed by the toranado. Basically everone had lost their bungalows to the driving rain.. except GC and ME! a-ha! upgrading to a double room paid off in spades! Ios was a fun fun time.. I would recomment anyone interest in drinking and beaches to come here but dont come in the high season.. come in september.. it is cheaper and the beaches aren't cluttered with people.

Santorini is the VOLCANO ISLAND! ooooooh yeah baby! This bad boy blew its top 3500 years ago and was the second biggest volcano eruption in recorded history. It sent a 200m tidal wave all the way to egypt in 4 minutes! cool! It was my birthday the day we took a boat over to the slightly smoking island caldera. We walked up and down the obsidian rocks and i put my arm in a hole that was pumping out hot sulpher... it was hot.. and smelled bad :) We then took the boat to a hot spring in a bay. We had to jump overboard and swim all the way into the bay and lathered ourselves with sulpherous mud and enjoyed the warm water from the sleeping monster volcano that lies 2km under the island.. humans really do live in funny places! (hi to all people in San Francisco!). That afternoon we took a bus and had a picnic overlooking the sea. My tour had a surprise for me.. a birthday cake. Girlclumsy had been running interference all day fo the tour leader (Hey jeremy) who had bought the cake. The whole group (hi guys and girls!) sang me happy birthday and then EVERYONE at the picnic lookout spot applauded me! There must have been about 100 people there... i felt so special aaw :) I, of course, took centre stage and thanked all my international guests for coming to my birthday. I also blathered other stuff which I am sure was comedy gold but i dont remember it now. A nice Korean man gave me a pendant for good luck as it was my birthday and I met Taryne and her mum Wendy who were wondering who the strange guy dressed in black was and why did everybody applaud him :) We all watched the sun go down over the Mediterranean..

It was the best birthday i have ever had.. and I have had some doozies! Thank you to everybody that made it to good.. from Girlclumsy, to the guys and gals from the busabout tour, to Tracy and Jeremy for organising the secret cake and to the nice Korean Man and Taryne and everybody else that will never ready this blog that was there.

We are now in Meteora. 4 1/2 hours north of Athens by train. It is the place where the monks built their monastaries ontop of giant Uluru like rocks. Yesterday we hiked through the forest to get to tof these places. Fantastic views from the top and the churches and gloriously crazily perched ontop of mountains! When we go to the top of the first one we discovered there a road on the other side of the mountians and you can take a coach bus to the top along lovely paved roads... oh well.. i declare anybody that didnt hike for over and hour through rain and rocks and supposed packs of wild dogs (though we didnt see them) SOFT AND FLABBY. The pain in my body meant i really enjoyed that monastary.. honest. Today we took the local bus to the top of the mountain and hiked down (much easoer than hiking UP and Down) looking at the other 4 monastaries.. i enjoyed the less toursty ones which shouldnt be a surprise.

Tomorrow we are off to Delphi.. i shall be asking some probing questions, let me tell you

Best wishes to you all

This beach is trying to kill me...

2006-09-22T23:10:00.000+10:00

Water fabulous.

Islands barren.

Food cheap and plentiful.

Ruins ruinous and full of ancient drains.

Highlight so far: Delos, ancient capital of Greece.

Can't type as I injured my finger in a fall due to a combination of ocean slime, flagstones and a double Bourbon & Coke... The good news is, the bartender felt so bad he gave me a free triple Bourbon & Coke.

GirlClumsy has the full Mediterrean story.

ONE EURO GYROS! Excelsior!

Snackpoint Charlie

2006-09-18T04:43:00.000+10:00

Blasted into Berlin for an overnight stopover before Athens... it is cheaper to fly to Berlin, stay a night, feed and water two people and then fly to Athens than it is to fly directly from Riga to Athens.. wacky!

I last went to Berline about three years ago and I rememered how to navigate that city perfectly... i really liked Berlin last time and it was good to see it again.. especially with all the new constructions completed near the Reichstag. Holocaust memorial and all the funky walk/bikeways.

Went on a 4 hour bike tour following the 43 km track of the Berlin Wall... not enough time to discuss how awful that wall makes me feel... people can suck bigtime... but as an interesting turn of fate the plane flight gave me time to listen to my iPod and discover all sorts of goodies abut Thomas Paine and his book 'The Rights of Man'... people can rock bigtime :) Go out imediately and read what this guy has to say.. go now.. stop reading this drivel.. i'll wait

doobee doobee doooo

*twiddles thumbs*

*drinks a cola drink*

right... everyone up to speed? good! cool, hey!

As we went past Checkpoint Charlie, the infamous historical border crossing between the madness of East and West Berlin i saw a food court called 'Snack Point Charlie'... now is that tacky or what?!? It made me laugh out loud and snort in disgust at the same time.. Girlclumsy thought i was choking on my cola drink.. but seeing she is used to me choking with rage at the smallest provocation she left me to it.

Now... we are in Athens... oooo Athens! Ancient Stuff Akimbo! DRAINS... so many 2000 - 3000 year old drains! and ancient toilets! oooh yeah, baby!

There are so many americans here. I was wondering if the latest empire builders look at these old empire builder's monuments and see their own future? do they get the feeling that time is running out?

Gotta GO! Islands await! I got to bathe in the seas the gods used to bathe in.. which gods? the old ones... before they died (yay Equus!)

P.s TISM has to write a song called Stingray. it must be!

A lot of Goths here in Riga

2006-09-15T01:47:00.000+10:00

First things first... Happy Birthday to my sister, Debbie!
Will be seeing you soon for your wedding. Break out the emergency wedding kilts!

I have noticed a whole load of young gothlings here in Riga. You know what I am talking about.. those pale youths dressed all in black looking glum. Many of them are wearing marilyn manson t-shirts... which is a shame. I saw three of them all wearing the SAME Marilyn Manson tshirt and walking together.. it looked like a rather depressed rock fashion show. I suppose this is the sort of city you should dress up in leather and lace and ponce about looking pensive. Let's face it, Brisbane in the middle of December just doesn't let you work up enough angst. You are sweating your self to death waaaay before the absinthe kicks in :)

Poor bloody Latvia. We went today to the Latvian Natural Museum and saw just how kicked around this place has been since.. well.. forever. Like Estonia over the centuries they have been kicked from pillar to post by Sweden, Finland, Germany and Russia.. I am sure other countries have tried to sink the slipper into Latvia when it had its back turned as well. They manage to get some autonomy after WW1 when they are forcibly invited into the Soviet Union... cue pogroms and other fun stuff. Then the Red Army can't hold Latvia against the Third Reich and in moves Uncle Adolf and his gulags. Latvia once again undergoes a few recial purges and social engineering.... finally the Reds get their crap together and take Latvia back... yes.. you guessed it.. Latvia takes it in the face once more. Decades pass and finally they are their own country once again but i assume that many citizens are looking over their shoulders wondering when the next exciting invasion plan will come into effect.... and if you count sauced up, english chavs on a stag-night as an invasion (and there is enough of the ugly blighters to be found in matching drinking shirts at 2am in a gutter) then i suppose it has already happened. Cheap airlines are great.. but they sure do let EVERYONE in... even over opinionated aussies ;)

Latvians seem to be quite tall. I am average height for a male and i seem to be surrounded by many lanky tall latvian males. In these cold countries the female population makes a hell of an effort to dress up when the sun is out. You keep wondering where the fashion show is and it is just a nice warm day... funny to see gucchi fashion in a cut price supermarket

There were two latvians dressed up as dracula in a supermarket handing out fliers. I had to find out when was going on. The flier was for the upcoming release of the Mazda 3 here in Latvia.. wha? i have no idea the connection between Dracula and the Mazda 3. But they seemed like nice people.. and one wasnt even latvian but russian.

Onto Berlin tomorrow as a stop over and then Athens!

The culture! The Amphoras! The Olives!

Wotcha!

Working the Lats

2006-09-14T04:34:00.000+10:00

Labdien from Latvia!

The Baltic Road Trip was an experience... three young people in a car, foot loose and fancy free. We managed to score a brand new black Volvo V50 which we immediately christened 'Beyonce'... as she was black and had a big boot-y. It was a fantastic car, comfy and forgiving of my 'wrong side of the road' driving. We (Girlclumsy and her brother, Simon and I) made our way back to the russian/estonian border town, Narva. By God that is a depressing burg. The people are waaaaay to russian for their own good.. and the only palce we could find food (if you could call it that) was ... sigh.. McDonalds... i know I know! We looked high and low.. oh god how we looked but in the end we had to buy McShite. It was the only place where i felt distinctly unsafe as we were being watched very intently by the roving gang of young males. But with Simon with us (big strong aussie male), Girlclumy's ability to bamboozle with history and my ability to scream like girl and shatter glass I knew we would be safe.

Oh yes.. forgot to ask when we were in Russia... I throw this question open to any russians that read this... (I'm looking at you Daria and Nataliya (even though Nataliya is Ukrainian)) .. do russian girls walk around a lot holding hands? When we were in St Petersburg i noticed a few girls walking pairs holding hands. I thought.. oh, thats nice, homosexuality must be accepted here.. and forgot all about it. But then i started noticing more and more girls holding hands.. enough to make my wonder. Now, either many many many women in St Petersburg are gay or
holding hands is normal for women in St Petes.. Please enlighten this traveller.

Right.. after all that sexual titillation i return to the story. We stayed that night out of the town in a hotel called Laagna.. nothing really special.. just a room to sleep. Next day we were off to see Lake Pepsi! I am pretty sure that isnt what it is called but that is the closest we could come to with our Anglo tongues. Picnics by the lake and onto Tartu the university town. Many young people in a smallish city that once again has a sexy medieval centre.Ya gotta love estonia and its creamy centres groaning with 800 years of sexy history.. nice!

We stayed in a small motel complex called Waide. This a fantastic little place just outside the town called Elva. We got our own building to romp around in... good beds, a loungeroom and satellite tv (with Porn! as discovered by Simon). It also had a giant chessboard, dartboard and swing sets big enough for all three of us! score! If you happen to find yourself in Estonia then try and stay at Waide.. it is great.

Ooo.. before i forget. For all you 'Flash Travellers' out there (those of you that travel with iPods and Laptops etc).. Estonia and Lativa are the countries for you! They have free WiFi (internet access) EVERYWHERE! it is amazing.. every tiny burg had free WiFi access to the internet. This would have been a lot more exciting for me if i had a laptop.. i still have to fork out Kroons and Lats for kinda slow landline internet connections.. sigh

We passed across the border into Latvia and went to a wee town called Cesus. There is a ruined castle here and I think it used to be in a territory called Liivland. If so, i guess this is where a colleague from work comes from! It was amusing to be in a place that has squares and hills and other things named after someone you know. It would like going to a country and finding Wahdinium everywhere. Maija, it is a beautiful part of the world to be associated with.

Onwards to Riga! We dropped off Beyonce at the airport and bussed into the old town of Riga. Much Much bigger than the old town of Tallinn but it has been modernised a hell of a lot more as well. Still a beautiful place but i must admit the proliferation of strip bars to accomodate the english booze-parties is a little much.

Somehow this tiny country has a currency (The Lat) that is nearly equal to the english pound! Bloody hell! Thank the gods things are cheap. You can get a good sized meal for 3.5 Lats.. and that is counting drinks. I am sure if we found less touristy places outside the Old Town area it would be cheaper again. I did read that inflation is crazy here and that is due to the joining of the EU and the comong of the Euro.

I have to fly.. time is up.. will write more soon!

Huzzah for the Baltics!
Everyone should come here!
We should import Latvian and Estonia women to Australia to beef up our genetic lines! ;)

Ya gotta love the EU!

2006-09-09T23:16:00.000+10:00

Tere!

Well, here we are in Estonia... and more specifically Tallinn. After a 8 hour bus trip where we had to do the russian ~dance like the peasant you are~ dance just one more time for customs. We had to get off the bus, get all our luggage, wait in a line for a stupid amount of time and then get stared at by a unfriendly border guard who stamps everything a zillion times and then throws your passport back at you. You put all you luggage (which they didnt even bloody check in any way) back on the bus and pass across to the estonian side. Here everything is much more civilised. They take your passport while you stay in your comy bus seat and they are back 10 mins later with everything done.. huzzah for the European Union! I knew i was back in the West when i heard Franz Ferdinand on the local radio station.

I officially love Tallinn. If i was a city and Tallinn was a single i would marry it. If you have been to or heard about the old town in Prague then you have some idea of what Tallinn is like. But Tallinn is better.. much better. To start with things are cheap here and you can actually stay in the heart of the old town and it wont cost you your immortal soul. It is a maze of winding cobbled streets and medieval walls. You can wander lost through the closes and cloisters and come across the most fantastic hole in the wall shops lined with amber or linen or even ironmongery. If you like Prague then come to Tallinn. The Old town is much better, imo. The new town areas of Tallinn are like any european city. But you can go see a movie for as little as 2.50 AUD! They still use the Kroon here (1AUD - 9 Kroon also called the EEK.. which is funny to use when the price of something is really high... EEK! Though i am sure the locals dont find it quite as amusing as i did) When the Euro is introduced next year I am sure prices will go up but at the moment it is a sensibly priced part of europe. People speak english better than I do and SMILE! In fact i think estonians are one of the most attractive people i have ever seen. They were originally nordic people that came and bred with the local tribes. Over the years they have added many other ethnic strains to create a very easy on the eye people.

Poor bloody Estonia... They are one of those counties, like Hungary, that has been conquered by everyone and never really had a chance to go it alone. They have been controlled by Sweden, Finland, Germany and Russia. They finally gain their independence in 1918 but it lasts for a bout 6 seconds because the WW2 happens and estonia become the kicking ground for Germany V Russia. Then the russians take over and try to crush estonian culture by bulldozing cemetaries and inviting russians to coem live cheapily in the newly conquered territory and such like.. you know.. basic bastard behaviour. But now, since 1991, the Estonians finally are independent (after the wonderful Singing Revolution) and ready to enter the world. I have a soft spot for these people. They have free education (and this means that they have a huge percentage of very well educated citizens with useful skills that want to work and make money and therefore taxes... ARE YOU LISTENING JOHNNY?... FREE EDUCATION GOOD.. BEING A TWAT, BAD!) and most of the younger generations can speak many languages. They have joined the EU with gusto and want to promote themselves as the culture capital of europe in 2011 (and if Glasgow can win that title then anybody can.. sorry to all the weegies reading this!). Their economy is growing steadily and they are a bright optomistic people. Righto... enough of the suck~up~to~Estonia blog ;) We went aboard a 1930 Estonian submarine called Lembert. I used to work with a Latvian lady named Maija. Her husband is called Lembert and I do believe he is estonian.. maybe he is named after this submarine. If anyone from work can tell me the answer i would be interested.

You know you are back in Europe when you see walking and bike tours being advertised everywhere. Girlclumsy and i have done both already. We especially loved the bike tour with authentic (read crappy) soviet era bikes. We peddled hither and yon as our bikes slowly disintegrated beneath us. I lost a peddle and the handle bars nearly fell off! But we did see parts of Tallinn we would never have every found on our own.

This is one of those places you really can just wander. You always find something odd around each corner whether it is Kiek in the Kok (Kick in the what? how rude! oh.. it means Peek in the Kitchen) or Fat Margarets Tower. We have had dinner twice in a local Pub called Hell Hunt. Great Pub atmosphere and I have been reliably informed that picking up of attractive locals or fellow travellers is exceptionally easy.... but i might have to wait for girlclumsy to go to sleep before i test that theory.. all in the name of science... of course.

Tomorrow we are off in a hire car to whizz around Estonia and Latvia.

Peter Brock gone as well... i dont know.. you leave the country for a month and the whole bloody place goes to pot! Best of luck to you all in queensland.. voting is important! Girlclumsy and I tried our best to vote but without having a stable address it is bloody hard! We even visited the Honourary Consul in St Petersburg! Dont fine us Mr Voting~Leader~Guy!

Also, my dad has a travel blog as well ~ Travels of an Ancient Man ~ not much there yet but i am sure he will be adding his more vintage form of cyber-craziness in the future.

Head Aega!

The Duck Didnt Die!

2006-09-09T22:22:00.000+10:00

St Petersburg.. a city so nice they named it thrice .. plus one ..

St Petersburg ~ Petrograd ~ Leningrad ~ St Petersburg

After the non smiling experience of the Muscovites it was a very nice to see St Petersburgers actually looking happy. They werent dancing in the streets but they definitely looked like a group of people that didnt hate everything about them.

Good old St Petes is a groovy city. Less busy than Moscow and with a lot more Olde Worlde Charme.

Our hostel was a reconditioned factory.. and they seemed to have reconditioned it into a prison. Tiny rooms with bunk beds, grey walls with no windows and terrible brown water in the taps. I started taking a shiv into the shower cubicle so i wouldnt be shanked! Girlclumsy points out that she has no need to shank me as she controls the money on the trip.... but im keeping the jade knife i bought in Lake Baikal close to me just to be sure. These persian~polish~irish crossbreeds are a moody lot!

One of my first memories of St Petersburg was finding out that Steve Irwin had been killed by a stingray. We went to the Australian consulate to try and vote and found out that russians had been ringing the consulate all day passing on their condolences. Love him or hate him you have to admit the crazy guy sure did promote australia all over the world in a very positive way. Bon Voyage, Steve!

Peter the Great was a bit of a dude. Sure he was an absolute monarch and had a habit of throwing his weight around (for example... he banned all stone masons from practising anywhere in russia except for St Petersburg until the city was fully built) but he mucked in and actually helped build the original Peter and Paul Fortress... he also lived in a tiny 2 bedroom wooden shack for ages and ages to the horror of his royal peers. Bascially he wanted to build the sexiest city in the universe and he picked a filthy swamp to do it. What this means is today you have a lovely canal based city chock full of historical sexiness... a fabulous place for travellers like myself to bum around in! Peter The Great was.. well.. Great but his kids and heirs were basically spoiled little brats that kind of deserved to be wiped out... funny thing is that the russians dont really talk much about how they dragged the royal family into the basement and shot them all dead. In fact all the royal remains that could be found have been dug up and reburied with the rest of the Czars. I think the madness and brutality of the soviet era is a time many are trying to make up for ... and then forget.

The Hermitage was amazing. 5 seperate palaces and museums that have been joined together and opened gto the public. It is one of the those museums you can spend months in and still not see everything. You have the restored palatial dining and ball rooms but you also have millions of art pieces. We saw Kandinsky, Monet, Renoir, Matisse, Picasso, Gaugin and other painters. We also saw Rodin sculptures by the truckload. I have come to the conclusion that everyone of Rodins sculpture should be called ~Young People Getting It On Number 34 etc etc ~. His manager probably decided to rename the porn Cupid and Psyche and all the others. Dont get me wrong, they are fabulous art pieces but you have to start wondering about a guy that has sooooo many snog sculptures! Also.. Matisse is rubbish... yes.. rubbish. I just dont understand why everyone is so fascinated by his baby drawings! Finally.. if i see one more Madonna with Jesus painting there is going to be trouble. Medieval artists really need to pick a new bloody theme! hehe Had a giggle when we saw many of the paintings had ~acquired in 1947~ written beneath them... the germans must be mightily pissed about this.

We went out to Peterhof.. which is basically Peters summer palace and gardens. It looks so much like Verseille (i am pretty sure i have butchered that spelling) it is uncanny. But then again the Czars of russia really did like the french back then. The Gardens are magnificent but not as extensive as Verseille. The best feature was the moated house Peter had built for his daughter. It made me think she must have been a right strumpet if she had to be moated! Took a hydrofoil back across the water to the City.. squeeeeed in excitement when we stopped being a boat and lifted up onto the blades in the water.. all very flash.

We had dinner in a cool daddio Jazz Club called the Chateau but we also went to the ballet to see Swan Lake,.... now.. answer me this. In Swan Lake the swan princess takes one for the team and dies, yes? Well... in this version THE DUCK DIDNT DIE! It all ends happily with the swan~chick heading off with the prince! What a rip off! I did enjoy the part when the guy who looked like Darth Vader did a vulcan nerve pinch on the prince! Wrestlemania haas nothing on that! But the duck didnt die... not even a little. I assume they wanted a happu ending for the kiddies or they havent heard about bird flu yet.

Odd thing that happened. Went into a Subway sandwich place to get lunch and met a guy that new me from Mousetrap theatre over 10 years ago! His name is Keith and he was on holiday in St Petersburg. How the hell he recognised me after 10 years i have no idea! He also knew Girlclumsy from a show she did at the Redcliffe Entertainment Centre 8 years ago. The world is a really really small place.

So thats the end of russia. It has been a strange time in a strange land. Different enough yet close enough to our culture to make you double~take at something every ten minutes. If you get the chance come to Russia. It is a fascinating and infuruating place. The soviet ugliness is being pealed back and a beautful, but non~smiling, country is waiting to be seen!

Onwards to the Baltics!

Moscow Hates Epileptics!

2006-09-02T17:34:00.000+10:00

Greetings from the Red Square... well about 150 metres from the Red Square. This internet cafe is so close to the Kremlin on a still day you can almost smell Lenin... mmmm Lenin-y goodness

Tried to see the old guy but wouldn't-ya-know-it Moscow turns 859 today and the city is closed for Muscovite Celebrations.. but NO SMILING! Russians do not smile... EVER! STOP SMILING! Supposedly they smile when with friends... but i think they must always hang out with hated enemies as they are all so stoney faced. We have been told they do have a national "Smile Day"... but i have no idea how the poor russians will survive such an event. It would crack their stoic faces. There will be much celebrating later in the day with street markets and laser shows. Nat and I watched much Big-Hattery and military goose stepping and tried to see Putin... but the bugger is rather elusive.

Now.. about the epiliptic thing. The city seems to be in love with LEDs. They cover every available surface in randomly blinking lights. Hotels, billboards, public monuments..all blinking away in no discernible pattern. Standing in the main street of Moscow at night you can feel certain parts of you brain passing in and out of consciousness!

The 4 day train trip across 1/4 of the planet was a bizarre, bizarre journey. Eating, Reading, Drinking, Chatting, Vomiting, Staring and TOGA TOGA TOGA! I will leave the Girlclumsy to fill you in on the filthy details... my soul still burns from the "romance" of rail ;) The train was at least comfortable this time but the total lack of showers make for a rather aromatic trip.

Did the usual touristy thing of wandering Red Square and taking copious pictures of St Basil's Cathedral. (Boom! Boom!) You know the one.. Russian... In the Red Square.. Looks like ad for ice cream cones. Inside wasn't waht i expected. It isn't a big empty space like european cathdreals. It feels more like a cave with different grottos scattered haphazardly throughout. Many different rooms (though they are all different churches) joined together by tiny dark winding corridors. I was in raptures with the place. To top it all off there was a male choir sounding in the depths. The place has fantastic acoustics and the baritones sounded like zealot whales calling to their pod. The darkness, the russian orthodox iconongraphy and the singing made for a very eerie and atmospheric experience. Best of all.. free! Huzzah for "Moscow is 859" day.

Wandered the Kremlin also. It is rediculously expensive and only really gets you into the grounds of the Kremlin (which mean Fortress in old russian).. well some of the grounds. When we tried to go to some places we were held back by military types and a stern 'Nyet'. You have to pay more to get into the actual good stuff in the Armoury. Yes.. there were weapons galore (Huzzah!) but they also have many of the Russian treasures. Faberge eggs made to look like bullets (comemerating WW1), dresses for Catherine the Great, many many carriages made by many many countries and given to Russia when they were a sexy imperial power, gilded silver and silvered gold, plates, pots, plaques and pantaloons. The Armoury was the best part of the Kremlin in my opinion. Well worth the money

Oooo! The Mosow Metro! Yay! I have found a Underground train system i love just as much as the London Underground! Well laid out, huuuuuuuge escalators, big trains that come often and a maze of tunnels and connecting doors to explore... good stuff. It is in someways even better than the London Underground because some stations still have the old chandeliers hanging from the ceilings. Imperial majestic light fittings in a common area. I have been digging using the Moscow Metro nearly as much as getting the places I was trying to get to! It has been pointed out by a few people on the tour i am on that I am a freak... but say to you, gentle readers, BOLLOCKS!

Moscow is expensive but not as bad London, imo. No sign of crime and pickpockets... but then again thats probably the point. Two guys on our tour did get asked for their passports by the local fuzz.. Big hatted serious types.. but it all ended well

Righto gang.. must flit.

Dosvedanya!

Always russian somewhere new

2006-08-28T13:46:00.000+10:00

There never seems to be enough time to write even a smidgen of what we have been getting up to!

Crossing the border from Mongolia to Russia was a trippy experience. The whole trip took 30+ hours and the border crossing took 12 hours! Why? weeeell.. we arrived at the border at 4am and the customs officials only start work at 9am... so we sit and wait.. and we can't leave the bloody train and you can't use the toilet at a station! So much bladder fun!

Once across the border (where angry russian big-hats demand you fill out the forms in russian and ONLY RUSSIAN (Or ELSE!)) the cabin stewardesses (plural of stewaredess?) try to scam you 5 rubles everytime you want to use the FREE hot water... they also try and tell you that coffee and tea costs 200 rubles as well! When crossing the border you get the excitement of watcing people trying to smuggle goods (shoes, toys etc) across the border. Things are cheap in Mongolia and expensive in Russia. They hide the stuff everywhere... they even try and push it in your cabin when you are not looking. I ruined Austro-Mongolian relations by refusing adamantly :) The biggest crooks on the train where the cabin attendents. They had boxes of DVDs, shoes, jackets and everything else in hidey holes under the floor.. they even locked one of the toilets and stuffed it full of contraband. When the officials came on board they were openly bribed to ignire it all... it was scary.. and then funny as hell.. especially when we started taking photos of people (hehehe). All in all a real 'travel' experience!

We alighted at Irkutsk in the early hours and then took a bus out to Lake Baikal. It is the biggest fresh water lake in the world. It holds 20% of the worlds fresh water.. queensland should run a pipe up here! It is also very cold even in the summer sun. I went for a dip (actually a double dip) in the 5C water... ye gods! frozen goolies ahoy! Supposedly I will live an extra 25 years now i have bathed in the waters.. but i wa taking the chance of dropping dead from shock as soon as i hit the water!

We had a authentic siberian sauna last night. we all had to get nude and wrap ourselves in a sheet. Then we had a dry sauna until the first sweat. We all jumped out of the sauna and threw freezing water over ourselves and jumped back into the sauna... then the real heat and humidity began. 110C! bloody hell! When you cant take the heat anymore you jump out and some mad russian bastard throws more freezing water on you.. then you go back in the sauna... rinse and repeat until dizzy. Costya (our young russian guide) offered to beat us with birch leaves.. when in russia!. It was very relaxing.. Funny thing is you haver to do it one on one in the sauna. You lie there.. he beats you. When he kicked everyone out of the sauna he turned to me and in his best Bond villain russian accent (and being russian he could do it well) he growled "and now... we talk" I giggled for ages... as he beat me :)

We walked along the lake (Nat and I.. not Costya and I.. though he was there too :) ). It is amazingly beautiful place. 600 km long and 60 km across and growing 2cm every year due to tectonic action. We had amazing hots chocolates and i even bought a local knife (yes yes.. i am blade obsessed) It has a jade blade and a blue Chirite (the local semi precious mineral) handle.. gorgeous. Costya was very impressed i knew who Baba Yaga was.. not many tourists (in fact.. i am the first he said) know russian faerie tales.

Russia (or at least the far east of russia) is a interesting mix of 19th, 20th and 21rst century technology. You can walk down a muddy lane and watch women bring the cows home and then go inside to there satellite television. madness!

We have a 4 day train ride to Moscow.. so send happy thoughts our way :)

From Russia With Love! (yay.. i managed to fit that in somewhere!)

GregR
Travel Wah

GER!

2006-08-24T19:00:00.000+10:00

San Bain uu from Mongolia

Girlclumsy and I are back from the Ger-camp experience. Wow! Mongolia is a beautiful vibrant country and i can rcommend it to anyone that loves the outdoors

We lived in Ger camps (a big nomadic tent)

We rode mongolian horses (badly.. i called my brian)

we drank fermented mare milk and a zillion other milk based products

We walked many kilometres to buddhist temples through beautiful mountainous hills

We drank vodka until i was very messily ill... and had a great time :)

more later.. time is short until the train!

RUSSIA HOOOOO!

P.s Belated Happy Birthday to my sister Jacky!

KHAAAAAAN!

2006-08-24T18:52:00.000+10:00

800 years of Mongolia. This is the big celebration> being held here in Mongolia this year. They are > very big on Ghengis Khan (though they do say he is> called Chenggis Khaan... and they would > know), pointing out he crushed the chinese and had> the biggest empire in the world. It ran from > the eastern edge of china to Hungary and went north> into what is now russia as well. In fact, they > say that 10% of the world's population have old> Khaan's genes running through them.. randy old > sod.> > The trip from Beijing to Ulaan Baatar was 30 hours> long. 7 of those hours were taken up by > chinese and mongolian officials in staggeringly> large military style hats checking and rechecking > our passports, crossing out our names on entry visas> and respelling them 'correctly', checking out > our ID photos and denying it was us in the> picture... typical self important military> shenanigans. > We were stuck on the train for the entire time and> the toilets have to be locked at the station.. > bladder explosions all round!> > The Gobi Desert (Gobi = Desert in Mongolian) was> featureless, sandy and flat flat flat. After many > hours it gave way to flat flat grasslands and then> we climbed the 1500 metres into slightly hillier > area that surrounds Ulaan Baatar (Ulaan Baatar means> Red Hero in Mongolian.> > Ulaan baatar is rather surprising. It is like a> Rockhampton but with a huge Russian and a sligh > chinese flavour. It is a modern city in a country> that is trying to urbanise as quickly as possible. > The Mongolians are a proud democratic people with a> strong sense of their own history. We went > out to the Great Mongolian restaurant and had heaps> and heaps of cheap filling food and then > watched a band called Altan Urag (Golden Destiny).> They are a bit like a Mongolian Tulipan using > traditional mongolian instruments in a modern 'rock'> manner. i was so impressed i bought their > CD!> > I have to go now as we leave soon to trek into the> hills and set up our Ger-camp. > > Riding horses, learning how to throat sing, eating> by a fire.. it is a hard life for some> > best wishes to you all

sorry about the weird paragraphs.. something screwy with this computer

Who put this bloody wall here?!

2006-08-18T19:12:00.000+10:00

Greetings again.

We are not in Mongolia yet... somebody has blocked the access to the north with a bloody huge wall! We walked along it for kilometres but couldn't find a way across. I tried yelling for somebody to open a door but the only person to answer was Ghengis something and he didn't seem to have a key...

Sooooo.. aaaanyway. Yesterday Girlclumsy and I took a 6 hour bus ride out to a non-touristy part of the Great Wall of China.. and yes... it is Great. If somebody managed to build such an edifice today I would still be impressed. To think it was put up over 2000 years ago staggered me!

We didn't want to see the usual touristy great wall spot at Badaling (in fact if i went to The Great Wall of China and saw McDonalds and a bowling alley I would have been very very angry) so we made our way (by a very long and terrible bus ride) out to Simatai and took the cable car up the very very steep mountain to the wall. From there we trekked 10 kilometres along the wall..... holy *bleeping* hell! That was one mean trek! Imagine hiking along steep mountains and then add the fun fact of a huge bloody wall blocking your path! At some points we had to crawl up the near vertical steps. It took us about 4 1/2 hours to get to the bus pick up point. Along the way we we followed the badgered by chinese and mongolian people tryibng to sell us overpriced water, cola and beer.. yup .. beer.. and somehow they had managed to keep it all ice cold in 33C heat! Once again I have to point out how fantastic this wall is. (Anybody who knows me knows I have a thing for ancient walls eg Hadrian's Wall. Everytime i slipped or tripped I was able to catch myself before I was hurt. I felt so lucky that I came up with this saying "This wall and I.. we have an understanding" I think Girlclumsy was really sick of hearing it as she scraped and blooded her way along the top of the wall) It sits ontop of the steepest peaks and utterly dominates the surrounding landscape. How they managed to build this thing is totally beyond me but it proves how utterly terrified they must have been of the Mongolians. I was only scared of one mongolian.. she wanted me to buy water from her and became quite enraged when i bought it cheaper from a chinese man (i know he was chinese as he was wearing a yellow star on his military cap). I hope i didnt sour Sino-Mongolian relations ;)

At the end is the hike we did the tourist thing of taking a flying fox (trapeze... not the rodenty animal) down the mountain to the carpark.

If you ever get a chance to see the Great Wall... take it.. if you can survive the walk.. do it.. but even if you don't want the pain and suffering of walking the eighth wonder of the world you should still see it in person.

Fantastic!

In other news.. went to a market with Girlclumsy and bought many cheap touristy knickknacks. Girlclumsy had a great time haggling with the locals while hung back looking bemused. I did weaken and buy myself a terribly cheap pair of black and white converse shoes.. why? Coz the new Doctor Who wears them... ;) Well his are brown.

Better run... best wishes to you all. Feel free to email and I will try and write back when i can

Excelsior!

Chairman Wah VS The Cicada Suppository

2006-08-16T18:14:00.000+10:00

Greetings Thrillseekers!

Welcome to another fun filled Wah Worldview. It will have to be a quick one as we only have a limited amount of time to write.

Yesterday Girlclumsy and I took a rickshaw from the hotel to the Forbidden City *cue spooky lightning effect *!

Rickshaws are great. There is no better feeling in the world than oppressing another human being and making them cycle your fat carcass across a really really huge city. Aaaaah. ;)

The Forbidden City is 750,000 square metres of eastern style castles, halls, gates, gardens and verandahs. With such fantastic names as “Gate of Solar Extract” and “Hall of the All Encompassing Universe” and “Verandah of Mental Cultivation” you can spend days just wandering around marveling (and giggling) at the names. Most of these places were made to house the emperor’s concubines… he either needed a lot of space for his women or they needed a lot of space to get away from him… probably both. One thing you should know about China.. it is full of Chinese tourists! I’m not kidding. They can very rarely get a visa to leave and it would costs a shite load for the visa to get out so millions of Chinese people visit their own country… and they were ALL at the Forbidden City! It would have been a tranquil, serene experience if it wasn’t for all the people! Bloody Tourists! ;). I kept stopping in my tracks ech time I walked through a little arch way and came across a another fantastic building or other… and they haven’t even opened it all up! Have saved loads of money not buying western food (thanks DAD!) and buying cheapy noodles from street vendors. $3 for a small lunch for 2 people? Yes please!

Last night had dinner at the hotel diner. Thought we would splash out (30 Yuan = $6 AUD) and bought three plates of food. (Rice, Vegetables and Mushrooms and Chicken (for the Girlclumsy carnivore)) SO MUCH FOOD WAS DELIVERED.. we couldn’t even make a dent in it!

Today we got up early and made our way back to Tienamen square (thanks Rickshaw!) and into the long cue for the Chairman Mao tomb. 1 hour later in the hot hot sun with a million Chinese people and Chinese guards yelling at us with their loudhailers we trooped into see Mao. His floor shw was incredible! Who would have thought the old guy could still breakdance?!? No no.. he is still dead. In fact he looked very waxy and under the weather. I think they must be having a hard time keeping the old boy together. And after the body of Mao room, where the leader of the modern china communism lies, iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis.. A GIFT SHOP! God help me… I love communism.. hehehe

WE also walked (oh god how we have walked!) to the White Pagoda in the Beihai Park This is a 39 hectare park that used to be the private domain of the emperors, but is now a fantastic garden for all to enjoy.

Hjmmm… Cicada suppositories.. argh! Across Beijing everyone seems to own these toys. They are actually called Rattlesnakes and they are two magnetized lozenge shape metal baubles you throw in the air. They make thjis terrible rattle/scream noise.. and it really gets to me.. especially when every Chinese person seems to own them and keeps throwing them near me! Argh!

Gotta go! One last thng. Everyone keeps looking at and photographing GirlClumsy! She is my White Ghost Woman!
It may be some tim til my next entry… MONGOLIA AWAITS!

Soft Server Cone in Tiananmen Square

2006-08-14T22:45:00.000+10:00

Greetings from Beijing!

After a three hour delay (sitting in the small plane stuck on the tarmac eating peanuts and watching The Sentinel (god help us) we touched down in communist China. By the time we passed through immigration and took a very scary cab ride through Beijing (where we listened to a Chinese radio programme about… god knows what…. There were many kungfu battles.. that is all I could make out) we arrived at our hotel at 3am… we were meant to arrive at 10pm the night before. Much sleep was had!

Today, not speaking a word of Chinese and having no real idea where we were we head out into the streets.. to discover we were the only non Asians about.. and that they found Girlclumsy fascinating.. They couldn’t stop staring at her! We walked down long long streets past about a zillion people selling everything from little stores until we realised we were lost and asked for directions. We were trying to find the Temple of Heaven…. The nice man we asked told us (in dumb-show mime) that it was over the road. We had been walking next to the damn place for 10 minutes!

Inside is a ginormous park.. Absoluletly huge! You pay 35 Yuan (about $6-$7 AUS) and head through the West Gate. The first area respresents the earth and mortals. Inside that is another huge wall and through that lies the Celestial Gardens. It was all taken over for housing during the ‘glorious revolution’ but they have realised that tourists like a bit of bling and have cleaned the place up. We saw the Circular Mound Altar and the Divine Kitchens.. but the most amazing sight was the Imperial Vauilt of Heaven. If you think of a building in Beijing then this must be the one. A three tiered pagoda all red, gold and blue. A beautiful building made in the Ming Dynasty. Stunning and fantastic. Funny thing we realised was most of the buildings had been made into their current configuration around the time of the Battle of Agincourt or later during the Jacobite revoltsa. Gave us some historical perspective. Two people wanted their picture taken with Girlclumsy! We have no idea why but we think it is because she is very tall and very very pale. The men that wanted the picture taken the second time asked for my permission.. not hers! I was most amused… she was not so amused hehehe. I have started calling her my White Ghost Woman.

We found a map and decided to walk the ‘short distance’ to tianamen square. By Christ! The maps really don’t give Beijing the correct perspective! The place is huuuuuge! Short streets on the map are 6 lanes wide and take 15minutes to walk down! Crazy! The traffic in Beijing is manic. Cars weave in and out of non-existant lanes and beep like crazy. You cross by invoking whatever deity you believe in and just step out… fun!

We finally found Tianamen square… but not before we found TWO McDonalds and a KFC! Huzzah for Communism! *Snigger* We bought an ice cream each and headed onto the square. We were accosted by a million hawkers (sellers of tourist tack.. not guys carrying hunting birds) but we managed to fend them all off.. except for one very nice young artist named Micheal. He was a student at university and did English and calligraphy. He wanted to take us to the museum next to the square and show us his universities calligraphy . Reluctantly I agreed. He took us into the closed museum and killed us… no no.. that was what I thought was going to happen but he was actually on the level! Inside was a small exhibition of beautiful calligraphy. Yes.. we did buy something.. but it wasn’t expensive and if we were fleeced then it was the nicest friendliest fleece I have ever had J

Chariman Mao lies in a chamber just a block from here and the Squre is lit beautifully. Those Communists can really put on a show! Remember.. this is all Day One of Beijing!

Must run! All is well!

Exclamation marks are free!!!!!!

You can buy ANYTHING in Honkers!

2006-08-14T22:17:00.000+10:00

Hong Kong… my first impression – Blade Runner! The massive skyscrapers towering over the markets below. Run down buses jockeying for position with the latest Porsche 4-wheel drive. One oneside of the street fruit, vegetables, whole roasted duck and fish gasping their lives away in tiny buckets. On the other side of the street is Louis Vouton, McDonalds and every other western convenience.

Actually, my first impression was of Mort City in SLA Industries but only a select group of geeks know what I am talking about!

Girlclumsys uncle and aunt (and cousin!) have been fanstastic to us. Her uncle Jan took us around Central (the main city areas) and showed us the Hong Kong that tourists see, The buildings, the shopping and the harbour. He then took us for a drive around the parts most people don’t see. Did you know that HK is 40% National Park? And I think Girlclumsy and I saw all of it J. We have taken a ferry out to Cheung Chau (an island that used to be a pirate hangout.. Villains!) and walked around probably the only place in HK that doesn’t allow cars.

HK is similar to Brisbane for temperature and humidity, so it was pretty nasty weather but nothing we haven’t experienced before every bloody summer. Actually.. I lie.. they do have something we don’t have.. smog to the ground! Only 30km away is Shen Zen (sp?), Here is where nearly every western item is made… and the pollution just rolls into Hong Kong! On a still day (like the day we arrived) the visibility was too about 250 metres! Amazingly awful! They have a pollution watch in the newspaper that said it was VERY HIGh and the worst smog they had seen in years.. lucky us. Next day however the Saomei Typhoon blew past (im not kidding). It missed HK by a very little and dashed itself ontop mainland China. This killed many Chinese but did clear the weather in Hong Kong for us… whee! HK also has pollution warnings on the beach. On the day we went to Cheung Chau it notified us that we had a 15/1000 of catching some awful E.Coli strain and die.. or at least be very very ill.. we decided not to swim!

HK is still very colonial. Fantastically so. We had dinner at the Royal Hong Kong Yacht Club (members only!), and lunch on MI (Middle Island, donchaknow!) and had a Gunners (lemon, lime and bitters in a huge glass) in another yacht club up the coast.. also members only. It is a hard damn life! We had dinner at the FCC (Foreign Correspondent Club). Here Girlclumsy got to flash her journalist credentials to all and sundry.. she loved it but felt like a fraud.. for some reason.

HK would have to be the most amazing fusion of East and West. If you have the money to live or eveb go here.. it is worth it.

Must fly! Sorry for this to be so late and short.. and frankly unfunny!

Byee!

Equus

2006-08-02T13:45:00.000+10:00

Last Saturday was the final performance of 'Equus' at the Brisbane Arts Theatre.

I directed Equus and it was the hardest production i have ever been a part of. Like a wounded old soldier I could bore you silly with tales of horror, angst, pain and sweet, sweet triumph.

But not right now! No time! No Time! I have a flat to pack up and sundry other madness to quell before Girlclumsy and I wing our way abroad.

You can read an online review of Equus here.

The same time Equus started was the Brisbane Theatre Festival. This meant that reviewers could pick and choose what to go see and most decided to go where the food was nicest, even if the show itself was staid, boring and plain (rowr! saucer of milk to the Wah!). I suppose if you are goiong to Hob-Nob with the rich and powerful then you need to make sure the Nob you are Hobbing is the biggest around.

But i digress!

We did get one newspaper review and it was fantastic. I have copied it out below so you can all have a squiz.

---

Arts Riding High On A Winner

The Independent- 26 July 2006
Equus
Written by Peter Schaffer
Directed by Gregory Rowbotham
Brisbane Arts Theatre

Peter Schaffer's famous play, which is based on a true story, is now 30 years old but is just as potent, confronting and relevant for theatre audiences today. The Arts Theatre's production, skilfully directed by Gregory Rowbotham, uses costume, on-stage composition and passionate performances to bring this unsettling tale to full life.

I was utterly absorbed by the first act and was delighted to see John Boyce and his very "Film Noir" performance as Dr Martin Dysart, who has the inenviable task of treating Alan Strang, the teenage boy who is accused of blinding six horses.

Such serious allegations indicate that Strang has psychological complications but as the play progressed the blurred edge between patient and healer becomes obvious and the relationship between Dysart and Strang becomes an exercise in seeking the deep and often painfully private truthsabout each of us. Boyce and Peter Norton as Strang worked well together as compassionate and obsessed men locked in the therapeutic process, committed until the truth was revealed.

The staging of Equus was part of the success of the play. All actors remained on stage for the duration of the play, moving forward to present the returning to their seats. The semi-circular format created the impression of a "ring" where the onstage audience watched the horses as they performed. This created a tight performance space which was beautifully illuminated.
Shaun King, so bondaged and tethered as the horse, Nugget, was dignified in his role. His transformation into the mythical Equus was a high point in the play. His strength and focus enabled the sordid truth of Strang's obsessions to be revealed as a naked Norton rode on his back.

This is a stunning production, perhaps not for everyone, but the Arts Theatre cast and crew have created a first-class production
---

so there you have it!
woot!

And so..it begins!

2006-08-01T20:36:00.000+10:00

Greetings to you all...

Let me start by pointing out that I really hate 'blogs'. I really really hate them. Seriously...

I have been fighting the inevitable Wah-Blog for years. The only reason I am doing this is because it is much much easier to write one blog-post and invite you all to read it than to bombard everyone with travel emails.

So join The Wah and his GirlClumsy on their 5 month World (sans the Americas.. and Antarctica) Tour!